The Cold Silent Night
by Fallingthroughthefolds
Summary: Yullen. Allen works at a Home Depot and his Uncle Marian forgets to pick him up after work again, so he calls the only person he knows with a car and a license, Kanda.
1. The Cold Silent Night

It was a cold winters night that night.

It had been snowing for days, the fluffy white stuff covering every surface that wasn't plowed, ice patches hiding on the pavement, endangering the people who dared to leave their homes in the freezing weather.

The sun had set long ago, and the white flakes had once again begun to softly fall as we walked, shoulder to shoulder, across the large parking lot.

Light was spotty, the street lamps spaced around the paved lot letting the glow fade in and out as we strolled beneath them together, scarves pulled up over our noses.

The snow that lined the edges of the lot weakly sparkled in the looming darkness, shadowing the outskirts of the faint lighting. The midnight pavement shone with a dampness only the cold water flakes could provide, like it was trying its best to imitate the beauty of the night sky, but with its dirty yellow lines it failed to come close in comparing.

The moisture in our breath turned to steam as it was forced past our scarves, gloved hands jammed into pockets for the extra warmth, a winter toque stretched over my head, a hood pulled loosely over his.

How peaceful it was, in the freezing quiet of the cold outdoors, in the giant empty lot that sat in front of the currently dark Home Depot I'd been working at for almost a year now.

Not a soul had stayed behind other then the one who walked beside me, the sound of winter jackets and the tapping of boots on glazed pavement barely digging into the silent night as we walked, his keys jingling muffled in his pocket.

I had been watching the ground, letting my peripheral vision guide me next to him, helping me towards his old, light grey, ford that looked more like it belonged to a farmer's kid then a city boy, when he shook his scarf free from his nose and spoke.

"Akuma it's cold." He cursed and I gave a half glance his way in agreement, "if the temperature dip's any lower my ball's are going to freeze off."

I rolled my eyes, smiling gently at the unlikelihood from beneath my woolen scarf.

"Sorry," I mumbled into the fabric, "your the only one I could think of that had a car."

"Che... I can't believe that bastard forgot you again."

This wasn't the first time we'd done this, it was often that my Uncle Marian forgot to pick me up after work, and usually when I'd get home I'd find him pass out on couch, a beer in hand. I doubted tonight was any different.

I sighed and simply said, "it's alright," just like always, Kanda using the clicker on his keys to unlock the truck.

I clasped the passenger door handle, pausing a moment for his regular 'Che' like every time.

But this time was different.

"No, Moyashi, it's not okay." He replied tiredly, pulling open the driver door and hopping into his vehicle.

I blinked in slight surprise, taking a second to absorb his curt words before sliding in myself, the engine roaring to life when he turned the key in the ignition.

Once again, silence... but it too, was different. It was a thoughtful silence, one that held the slightest tension as they waited for the engine to warm up and the heat to kick in, one that let me ponder these small differences.

Kanda seemed to be thinking tonight, considering things, like he was trying to tell me something he hadn't told anyone before, a secret of sorts? Maybe a confession of something?

A confession of what?

I felt my heart flutter inside my chest, the organ dancing in my cavity with the simple thought.

Damn my fallen heart.

I risked a glance in his direction, and barely past his hood could I see his dark cobalt eyes staring out the window, not really looking, like he was thinking, unseeing.

I observed him carefully, even continuing my watching when he reached to pull back his hood, dark punk blue colored locks flowing to hide beneath his coat.

He hesitated, then looked at me.

I swear I was drowning in his eyes.

"Moyashi?"

"Yeah?" I breathed quietly after pulling down my scarf, glancing across his sharpe features, his natural scowl exchanged for a serious pout.

"I was wondering... would you...? I..."

He trailed off, growling in frustration, running a hand through his hair.

Ba-dump, ba-dump. There goes my heart again.

Akuma he was handsome, and it was all the time too; when he was tired, when he was cold, while he was mad, smiling, frowning, and it drove me crazy. Didn't he need a break? Is it not hard work to look that gorgeous all the time?

"... Allen," he said my name so seriously that it sent a shiver down my spine, "will you go out with me? On a date?"

I felt my heart freeze mid-beat, yet somehow the blood still rushed to my cheeks.

"A-A date?" I stuttered shyly, my silver eyes wide in disbelief.

He studied me for a moment, searching the windows to my soul, and then his eyes flashed with something close to fear or disappointment; he looked away, seeming almost discouraged.

"Y-Yeah, unless you don't want to then that's oka-"

"No, no, Kanda," I dared to place a hand on his strong arm, feeling his muscle's tense through the coat, beneath my touch, "I would like that. Yes, I'll go on a date with you."

He turned back to me, so cute looking so hopeful, a smirk slowly crawling into his lips.

"You will?"

"Yes, I will... do you have some place in mind?"

Kanda pulled on his seatbelt, prompting me to do the same, and I inwardly sighed in relief from the weather, the heater beginning to pump warm air into the freezing truck.

"Yes, I do... mind if we go right now?"

"Right now? Sure." I agreed, probably sounding more excited then I should have, but I couldn't help it.

I had a date with Kanda.

Now Kanda had a full on grin plastered to his face, the air churning until it seemed upbeat, and for the second we just stared. Until suddenly Kanda's lips were pressed to my cheek in a brief chaste peck.

"Let's go then." He concluded as he threw the car into drive.

I smiled too, raising a hand to touch the tingling skin of my cheek, a warmth spreading over my face, the beating of my heart picking up faster then I thought possible.

And then I felt a large tough hand take mine, my slim digits sliding easily between his fingers, hands intertwining like perfectly fitting puzzle pieces.

He held my hand the entire night.

It was a cold winters night that night.

But he was there to keep me warm.

He'd always be there, to hold me 'til I was warm.


	2. The Cold Hard Floor

I practically skipped through the door that cold night.

My cheeks where tinted lightly with red, but not from the cold, or the chilly breeze of the winter evening.

I blushed for a much warmer reason, a reason that made me warmer then I ever thought I could be.

I carefully closed the door, cautiously letting it click behind me, hoping to make as little noise as possible entering my quiet home.

I slipped off my scarf and tuque, the warmth of the apartment reminding me of how warm it had been in his truck, of the steaming butter smothered popcorn we had shared, of his larger calloused hands and how my softer ones fit in his so wonderfully, so perfectly.

I hung up my hat and scarf, slipping my coat off and onto its hook, working slowly as my eyes adjusted to the blinding darkness of the room.

Kanda had taken me to the old drive-in theater across town, and we picked the movie I'd been talking about see non-stop for weeks. He wouldn't let me pay for anything, insisting that he asked me out so he'd pay, refusing to hear a word of my protests; and after a few minutes of movie, when I'd built up enough courage to dare and rest my head on his shoulder, he'd pulled me closer, a well worked arm holding my waist, his buttery fingers taking my own. I had giggled gently at the feel of his slippery appendage, knowing full well that having such an oily hand was probably annoying him to no end.

I slipped off my boots, beginning to tip toe my way through the room, turning the corner to notice a harsh yellowish light that tempted me, almost challenged me, to step into the kitchen it illuminated.

I felt a sudden shiver as I remembered the sensation of Kanda's intense gaze on me, watching my eyes, my lips, my face, my reactions... watching me.

He he even glanced away from me? Had he even watched the movie at all? My heart fluttered, I doubted it.

I scanned the quiet, dimly lit living room, quietly heading down the only route to my room. The light from the kitchen spilling into the darkness around me, barely illuminating my path as I cursing under my breath.

Tonight uncle Cross wasn't passed out on the couch...

I thought of Kanda's natural warmth at my side, the cute slight smirk he wore all night, the light press of my lips on his cheek before I slid out of his truck and into my apartment complex.

My heart still beat rapidly in my chest at the way all those small signs seemed to lift me from the ground. I felt like a feather, drifting across the sky as it descended from its place on a birds wing, only to glide softly onto the ground.

And tonight was like everything I'd ever dreamed.

Until I walked into the kitchen.

My uncle sat slouched in a wooden chair, fiery red hair falling over his features, an ugly brown beer bottle resting lazily in his hand.

My tired silver eyes laid upon his drunken figure and I couldn't move, a feeling close to a wet cube of numbing ice gliding swiftly down my spine falling over me, fear chasing away the light hearted feelings Kanda had instilled.

I had been hoping to hold onto those feelings all night, hoping to avoid Cross, to find him passed out on the sofa like I had last time. But those where crushed hopes, the feather on the ground trampled into the mud, as if by a parading of unaware children. With random clomps and stomps it was ruined and dirtied, soft white bristles bunching and turning a brown not far from the color of those disgusting bottles that crowded that counter, not far from the one he took a swig of before eyeing me menacingly.

The kitchen glowed eerily around us, empty bottles and caps littering the counter top to my left, a few laying on the floor with one of the three high backed counter stools. Dishes where piled up in the sink, informing me that he'd been drinking all day, blinds pulled on the windows, cabinets randomly opened like someone had rifled through them before slamming them closed.

Uncle Cross had waited up for me tonight, something that was becoming a regular occurrence, and I prayed he'd go easier tonight, leave the pain in places where I could hide the bruises.

"And where, have _you_ been?" He slurred drunkenly, shifting so he sat back in his harsh wooden chair.

I almost sighed, but my body tingled in fright, the skin remembering the pain of the last time I sighed at his remarks, the last time I spoke to him with sleep in my voice.

"I was at work."

"Youuu don't work the fuh-fucking _graveyard_ _shift_, don-don't you lie to me, you little _sssshit_."

I tried to breathe normally, not letting the air tremble from my lungs, the familiar scent of beer seeming to stain the air around the kitchen, and even after years of the stench I could still feel it making me nauseous, like I stood on a rickety ship being pushed and tugged by the sea.

"I'm not lying," I said quietly, looking down to the ground, wanting so desperately for him to just pass out on the floor like the drunkard he is, "you didn't pick me up, again, so I had to ask Kanda to give me a ride home."

"BULLSHIT!" He shouted in a steaming rage.

I flinched as he threw the bottle of gross grain colored liquor at the wall near the door frame, it crumbling with the force of the contact, one of the large shards hardly grazing my skin, leaving a few small tares in the shoulder of my fitted sweater.

The room filled with a heavy silence, my heart beating out of my chest for a reason I loathed, a reason that wasn't Kanda. I watched warily as he popped open a new beer, taking a gulp big enough to drown in, not a drop missing his chapped dry lips. He swallowed thickly, taking deep disturbing gulps, sucking in a loud annoying breath when the bottle was finally lowered from his lips.

"I'm surprised that long haired hippie still fuckin' picks up yourrrr _calls_. I would have dropped your ssshitty ass _yearssss_ _ago_!"

I frowned, clenching my fists in anger, he could say things like that so easily, and I hated it.

Uncle Cross had become such a disgusting mess ever since Auntie Kay died... He forgets he wasn't the only one who lost some one that day... Mom and Dad had been in the car with her after all...

But I can't bring myself to hate him.

Cross scares me, he's frightening these days, he drinks himself into a rage and I know it's because he's too weak to deal with the pain. He lets it out on me, he refuses to get help, refuses to get past it, and he makes me suffer for it.

He's a sick man with an addiction that's not helping either of us.

I could feel the ball of anger that was knotting itself in my gut as he continued to blabber on, my anger intensifying especially now, now that I knew Kanda's warmth, now that I felt his hands, my lips on his skin, his eyes on me. Now that I knew...

"...the shitty little brat just wants to get in your skinny fucking jeans, the sick minded, co-"

"FUCK YOU!"

...I couldn't let him talk that way anymore.

And I exploded.

"What?" He slurred unintelligibly, frowning in his drunkenness.

"SCREW YOU!" I screamed, anger overwhelming me, a thin finger pointed at him accusingly, "HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT! YOU THINK YOU KNOW HIM, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT CROSS! YOUR JUST A SAD DRUNKEN PRICK WHO NEEDS TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING SELFISH!"

I took in a large breath, feeling the rage want to boil into a break down, but no. Not this time. I wouldn't let it.

"You can just, just... SHOVE IT! HE'S! He's a good guy! And I like him! I like him a lot! So just shut your DUMB DRUNK MOUTH!"

I huffed heavily from my yelling, throat a little raw from emphasizing words with screams louder then I thought would ever come from me, teeth now clenched as I held in my anger, keeping the ball of rage from melting into nothing more then wet tears.

For a handful of quickly ticking seconds he sat there befuddled like an idiot, my anger flying completely over his head, and then fear struck my heart when his face twisted into an ugly bout of pure rage.

He tried to get up, he stood so fast that his intoxicated legs couldn't carry him and he landed back in the hard chair, his beer angrily sloshing, spilling a little more then a few large drops on himself.

My eyes widened in terror as I realized what I'd done, as I remembered what had happened, what would happen again if he caught me. I had to run, now was my chance to avoid him the rest of the night. I bolted to the left, around the counter, running for the open door that he sat with his back to, trying to make as much space between us as possible.

I'd be safe if I could just make it to my room.

I was a foot from the door frame when his filthy hand jerked me backwards, pulling me down, throwing me to the beer scented floor. He towered over me menacingly, like the tallest of skyscrapers, leaning, threatening to crush me beneath its weight.

With a rough swift kick he nailed me in the side and I knew it'd leave a large bruise, I couldn't help but shrivel into the pain, he used it to shove his foot into my stomach, an "omphf!" escaping my lips.

"YOU LITTLE FUCK! YOU LITTLE FUCKING SHIT."

He yelled it with a few more rough blows and when I tried to get up he grabbed me by the front of my shirt, sneering in my face before slapping me so hard the room spun and my ears began to ring.

My face stung so furiously, it felt like a thousand tiny needles had been slammed into my cheek, I could already feel the skin start to swell in the shape of his hand.

He started screaming again, just a string of insults aimed in every direction he could throw them and I squirmed in his grip, but when he raised his hand to hit me again I reared back my arm.

I knew he didn't see it coming, his sight blinded in rage, his body controlled by his emotions. I made a quick fist, thrusting my arm forwards, and even I was surprised when I missed his face entirely and landed a hard blow to his throat.

Cross wheezed in pain, making a sound like a mix between a gasp and cough, his grip rushing off me to aid his throat even though there was really nothing he could do.

He stumbled back a step when I pushed him away from me, and sprinting, I shot through to exit.

I didn't bother to look back when the heavy thump of him crumpling to the ground resounded through the apartment, his deep and desperate gulps for air echoing down the hall as I rushed to my room.

I didn't stop until the door was slammed shut behind me, and the lock turned into place, my body slumping against the hard wooden surface, his wheezing muffled by the door.

My cheek still stung in the shape of his meaty hand, my stomach quivering, making me feel as if it would expel the last of that popcorn onto the floor.

The smell of alcohol stained me, it invaded my senses and I hated it with everything in my body, everything I could muster. My clothing stunk of the foul liquid, my hands slightly sticky from pushing him away, from defending both myself and my friend...

...my... my boyfriend.

I slid down the door, keeping my back to it, crumbling into myself. I pulled my knees into my chest, curling into them, hugging myself in fetal position.

I imagined my arms were Kanda's arms, that he was here, that he knew what was wrong, that he could comfort me after the redheaded storm reeked havoc on my parade of a day. But the pain was to powerful to comfort with imaginary arms, far more real then I could make his strong warmth seem, he was far softer and gentler then the freezing hardwood flooring beneath me.

I could feel the last of my anger melting into tears, the salty drops threatening me, welling up, begging to climb down my face as fast as they wanted, but I wouldn't let them.

I would not cry, not tonight.

I wouldn't let him ruin my perfect night with Kanda, I wouldn't weep like a sad child on this wonderful day, not because of someone so unworthy of the natural water works.

But I did cry out in surprise when a loud bang shook my door, my body reacting without thought, scrambling to cross the room and onto my bed, my hands finding the stuffed toy my parents had given me.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!" He screamed hoarsely, voice weak and slightly muffled by the door, "YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME!"

He rammed the door as he yelled, it bending in against the weight on it.

When had his wheezing stopped? How long had I sat against the door? How much more torture will that door withstand from him?

Three more heart-pounding thumps shook me with fear, his yelling continuing until everything seemed to pause, until there was a stillness that left me feeling as if even the air itself awaited the dooming second that he split open that door.

It felt like forever.

But the next thump finally came.

Only, this time, the door didn't shake, didn't bend, didn't even quiver.

The thump came from outside, was softer then the rest, a different kind of heavy, a dead, lumbering, sort of weight.

I waited, straining my ears for shuffling, for movement, sitting alone in my room, surrounded by darkness, holding a stuffed toy.

Once again I was reduced to a whimpering child, even as a seventeen year old, as someone a year off from making all my own decisions, he can push me to this...

Make me feel broken...

With not a sound from outside I lay down on my bed, curling up in the blankets after throwing my clothes to the side, and hugging the cotton toy to my chest.

I'm grateful that it was big enough to squeeze, the golden colored body of the thing almost the size of my head, a pair of white-gold wings stretching out at least a foot on each side. I couldn't remember the day they gave it to me, but on its back, between the wings, is a small heart that someone scrawled on in blue ink that says,_ 'To our winter angel, Love mom and pa'_, accompanied by the smallest, roughest doodle of an angel I've ever seen. It's my most cherished possession, it's always been with me in my memories of my parents, and ever since I could remember his name has been Timcampy.

I buried my face in a pillow, listening closely for his shuffling, or a creak, anything that could hint at what he was up to when I heard the short nasally inhale of a snore come from the other side of the door.

I realized then that he had finally passed out, right in the hall.

I contemplated not going to school tomorrow, calling in sick to work, not leaving the house, not even leaving this room. Just starving, just sleeping, just hiding.

But I couldn't do that, what about Kanda? Would he worry when I didn't show up for work? Would he be hurt? Would he think I was avoiding him? Would he come looking for me?

I wanted to see him again, I wanted it to be tomorrow, I wanted the tears to stop fighting their way out of me...

I _needed_ to see him.

Grabbing a handful of black bed sheet, I squeezed it tightly in my hand, forcing my thoughts to earlier in the night, to the raven haired wall of stubbornness that was my new boyfriend.

His attractive smirks.

His deep sea orbs.

His buttery popcorn hands.

His heavy heat that warmed me like no blanket ever could.

I closed my eyes, and he was here, he was with me as I drifted to sleep, protecting me from Cross, from harm, from the world.

It was those thoughts that lulled me to sleep that night, the anticipation of seeing him tomorrow giving me the strength to swallow my tears, and in a dream I was with him.

In a dream we where in his truck again, sharing popcorn, holding hands.

In a dream we were together.

And in a dream...

In a dream our night would never end.

**So I've decided that I'm going to be adding a few chapters to this story, I'm going to be working on In The Backseat while it's on hold but I feel bad that the chapters are taking me an agonizingly long time to write, but I will be putting up other content like the next few chapters and maybe something else.**


	3. The Pain He See's

Kanda stood impatiently outside the high school, the sun shining brightly behind a thick wall of clouds in the sky, the snow taking the opportunity to sparkle like it wasn't just frozen water, blinding anyone who looked at it the wrong way.

His hood was pulled loosely over his head, his long raven locks trapped beneath his winter coat, his choice of leather pants being one he regretted already.

The sound of school buses humming in the pick up zone behind him filled his ears, and with a quick glance at his phone he could see that 3 o'clock was nearing, any second now a mob of teenagers would be storming their way out of the building.

It was still cold enough to see his breath turning to dust-like shards of reflective mist, and being without his scarf today he swore his lips where turning bluer then the end of the night sky, he should have waited in the truck, where all the comfy artificial warmth was.

But no, he just had to wait for his Moyashi by the front doors.

...His Moyashi.

The thought made him openly smirk, blue iris's glinting in pride, dancing mischievously with a playful smugness only Yuu Kanda could ever achieve.

He'd finally been brave enough to ask the Moyashi on a date last night, and to his relief the little shit had said yes.

He rubbed his thinly gloved hands together, he couldn't even recall what movie they had seen, he couldn't remember ever seeing the main character, didn't know the plot, only that the Moyashi had been going on about seeing it ever since he'd watched the trailer.

It was like the movie hadn't even been playing... because all he had seen was Allen. That soft ivory hair of his, always so messily styled, yet made him so cute Kanda just wanted to act on his instinct and squeeze the younger male with all his might. Oh, and his round plate shaped eyes that constantly caught the light, drowning him with his molten silver iris's that are every shade of gray he could imagine. Allen's smooth pale skin that matched his gentle delicate touch, and a smile so bright and unrelenting that it's intensity was almost too much.

Allen was such a perfect little Moyashi, it took everything he had not to kiss him out of existence, not to just pin him down and claim the innocent little sprout for his own.

Especially after that teasing little peck he'd left on his cheek before running away, Kanda had sat in the truck for what felt like ages, waiting for his heart to stop leaping joyously, for the tingling on his skin to fade away...

~~~(Kanda's pov)

It never did, I fell asleep with a tingling cheek and a freezing body, my skin feeling far far to cold without that extra warmth he'd provided me, my hand craving to once again blanket his tinier, perfectly fitting one.

Fuck... I'd fallen for Allen almost a year ago, but like hell I'd ever admit it... Not yet at least.

"Yuu? That you?"

From a few feet away the Moyashi's best friend, Lavi 'The Bookman' called out to me, approaching with a grin not nearly as warming as Allen's, a steaming maroon colored cup of something in one hand and a brown paper bag with the logo of a local coffee shop in the other.

"Hey hey! It is you, you stalker! Waiting for Ally boy?"

I frowned taking in his bright orange winter coat, emerald green mittens, and ripped jeans. He might not look it exactly but 'The Bookman' as Lavi liked to call himself, was the biggest nerd I had ever had the pleasure of knowing. The kid was a dork, always skipping class to get food or coffee, constantly on his phone, practically hyperventilating over some internet thing. He was a nice kid, smarter then he let people think, but a friggin' nerd none the less.

"Shouldn't you be in class Usagi?"

Lavi shrugged, giving me a lazy grin, tilting his head to the side.

"Maybe."

I rolled my eyes at the student, who ignored me in favor of pulling half a bagel out of the paper bag, and taking a large bite.

"What are you doing here anyway?" he asked through a mouth full of bread and cream cheese, "Allen told me you usually have the morning shift on Monday's."

"None of your business."

"Ah, so he doesn't know your here then?"

"Che."

The Usagi -a name I gave him for being so damn bouncy and because I refused to call him 'the Bookman'- shook his head with his all-knowing grin.

"When are you going to admit it Kanda? You've got a soft spot for Allen."

I was quiet for a second, of course, wasn't that was obvious now? I was dating the spout, unless...

"... He didn't tell you then?"

That wiped the smile from his face, Lavi frowning in his mild confusion.

"Told me what? I haven't seen him yet today, been busy."

"I can see that," I stated sarcastically, "you look like a regular scholar."

"Oh shut up and tell me already."

My grin widened, and I shook my head.

"It's not my place to say."

"Oh come on you grump."

"No, Allen will tell you when he's ready."

He stared at me in confusion, his face twisting in curiosity and slight concern, but when he opened his big mouth to speak the loud ring of the last bell echoed across the parking lot. Temporarily the humming of bus engines was drowned out, the bell going on just long enough to annoy me before cutting off abruptly, and for a fraction of a second it seemed like the area had gone silent.

I turned my eyes to the front doors of the school just in time to see them fly open, a sudden wave of teenagers from all walks of life piling up and spilling out across the pavement in an even flow. Most of them ignored us, heading off in all different directions, a couple pausing to wave or give Lavi a fist bump, but my eyes were trained to the entrance of the school.

Calmly I waited for him, eyes scanning the waves of students for that bleach white head of hair, my smirk slowly straightening.

By the time the flow became a trickle I was frowning. Lavi had somehow pushed passed the crowd, heading inside to retrieve his stuff, and the fair haired short stack was nowhere to be seen.

A pang of worry hit my system, an uneasiness settling as I watched the doors close behind the last student. Quickly I pulled out my cellphone, rolling off my gloves, and starting a text to him, the buses roaring up as they prepared to pull out of the parking lot.

Why wasn't he at school? He never skips, never stays home, he's devoted to getting into university with a scholarship. Did he call in sick to work? Why didn't-

"Kanda?"

At the sound of his voice my head shot up, eyes meeting his tired silvery gaze, my thumb hovering over the send button.

"What-What are you doing here?"

His voice was quiet, like a whisper in the frigid air, the flooding sounds of bus engines leaving the lot almost drowning the words before they could reach my ears. He quickly glanced away, but I caught the circles beneath his eyes, how they were red rimmed from holding back his tears. Suddenly I wanted to ram my fist into all his problems, beat them out of his life like that would solve them all and keep the others far far away from him.

I blinked, slipping my phone back into my front pocket with my gloves, before raising a suspecting eyebrow and stepping closer.

"I took an extra shift so I could have Saturday off." I replied coolly, holding back everything, every last thing inside me.

He stood right before me now, his fair little head tilted down so that he stared at my boots, his bag dropping heavily from his hand, and I couldn't help pull him into my arms resting my chin in his ivory locks.

Something was wrong, horribly wrong, I could feel it, a nauseating uneasiness that hung around the Moyashi, and I knew it wasn't just my imagination by the way his thin fingers rose and gripped the back of my coat. He clung to me like he was desperate for something steady, resting his forehead on my chest, if he wasn't so strong there was no doubt in my mind that he'd be shaking worse then a leaf.

"Tell me what happened." I said lowly, almost demanding him to tell me, the words forcibly spat from my lips like I'd never thought I'd have to say them.

He hugged me tighter, shaking his head against me in disagreement.

"Allen." His name came out gruffly, sounding angry and serious, with a bark that made me sound more like a chained up animal.

When he was silent I raised my hand to his cheek, I wanted him to look at me, to smile at me with those shiny silver marbles he called eyes, but I was met with a snake like hiss of pain instead, accompanied by the stubborn refusal to budge matching that of a cinder block's.

I frowned in mild annoyance, pulling my hand away only to grasp his chin, forcing him to meet my eyes.

That was a mistake.

Sorrow, sorrow drowned grays, they overwhelmed my vision, made everything become a shade of red darker then blood, filled me with more rage then I'd ever felt in my short existence. Everything was red, everything, except those melted steel pools of sadness.

I caressed the same delicate cheek that he'd flinched away from, it was swollen and now that I examined him much closer I could see the welling skin. I scowled, glaring at the flesh as his pale complexion smeared under my thumb.

He seemed frozen as he watched me examine the pale dust that now stuck to the pad of my appendage, I stared at it, rubbing it along the side of my index finger. What is this? I thought, Is this... makeup?

"Allen is this...?"

I trailed off upon seeing that the wetness was returning to his eyes and setting my jaw I tugged my sleeve over my hand, rubbing the substance away like I was cleaning a chalk board, revealing a tender brown-purple spot that only seemed to grow larger the more I wiped off. He groaned quietly in pain, a notion that pulled at my heart, but I ignored it because bit by bit I kept revealing more and more discolored skin... it was like a horror that wouldn't end.

I could feel myself, seething now, every inch uncovered only feeding my steaming anger, only throwing steak to the wild animal that could be my rage, to the rabid dog that thrashed at the air psychotically. By the time I'd finished his eyes had welled to the point of almost overflowing and I had unveiled the entirety of the purple-brown colored bruise that marred his creamy flesh, the sight of such a mark making my own skin sting, the nerves imagining the force of a blow that would cause such a welt.

It was huge, taking the shape of a hand a little larger then my own, and puffed up achingly like his mouth was stuffed to the brim with mini-marshmallows. The injury took up almost every cell on the left side of his delicate features, his eyes swollen and red from holding in the tears, hair more disheveled then his usual messy style.

He was a mess, he looked like the leftovers of a hurricane, the ruins and devastation caused only by a fearsome storms rage. So rarely was Allen Walker ever a mess, and never to this extent.

I shamed myself thinking of how I'd seen his eyes like this before, sad and tired, refusing to tell Lavi or I anything about what was wrong, but before they hadn't been this... heart shattering. This was the first time I'd seen a bruise, seen him hurt, seen him covering up like this. The thought that it must be happening just under my nose, on regular occurrence, made my blood boil.

"Who did this?" I growled through my teeth, my touch betraying my harsh tone by carefully caressing the discolored skin with a softness I never thought I could ever wield.

Obviously he was just as awed by my actions because his eyes widened, one thin hand rising to hold mine over the injured skin.

"I-I-" he stuttered shakily, seeming to be distraught... yet breathless.

"Allen, who did this to you?"

So badly I wanted to know, know who dared to lay their filthy hands on him, on my only Moyashi. Who was it? Who needed me to beat them into a disgusting bloody pulp? Who did I have to cut a hole in with my Katana?

"I... I fell..."

Such an obvious lie.

But the fires that raged inside me, that fueled my impulse to destroy his attacker, the bear that wanted to take over and rip out someone's throat, it all seemed to hesitate upon hearing how obvious, how broken of a lie he told me.

I caught sight of new salty tear rolling down his bruised skin and all at once, all my anger, all my seething, threw itself to the side, stored itself for later.

And my heart took the wheel.

In the next instant I held him tightly in my arms, the urge to protect him overwhelming me, how could I let this happen to him?

How could I? I was his friend, his boyfriend, I was supposed to keep him safe... I had to make this up to him.

I promise, I'll make it up to him.

"K-kanda?" I heard him stutter in shaky surprise, tears beginning to come faster now, wetting my coat.

Without a word I swept my arm under his lean legs, lifting him easily, carrying him like he was made of the delicate porcelain his skin reminded me of. He clung to my neck, calling to me again, asking where I was taking him the best he could manage without choking on his tears.

I carried him across the mostly abandoned parking lot, half his face buried in my chest, the chilled air causing his warm tear soaked cheeks to redden in irritation.

"Yuu?!" Lavi's voice called out to us in confusion, worry and panic lacing his tone. I could feel his frantic eyes boring into my back.

I almost didn't stop.

Almost.

When I turned around Lavi stood dumbfounded at the curb, Allen's bag in his hand, his eyes wide at the sight of us, a sight I guessed he thought he would never see.

Emerald green eyes traveled across his silently sobbing friend, shining over with fear and concern that could come only with the closest of friendships, before they met my rock hard navy blues.

Inside I pleaded with him to understand, to know that right now was not a good time, that this was something important. Our eyes were locked for far longer then I wanted them to be, him searching mine for the mental message I hoped he would receive, the message I tried to forcibly beam through that thick skull of his.

Slowly the redhead opened his mouth to speak again, but then seemed to think better of it before nodding, excepting the situation at hand without explanation.

I returned the favor, nodding stiffly, my expression stoic as I returned to sweeping Allen away.

We rushed to my pickup truck, and I carefully threw open the door, placing the Moyashi in the passenger seat gently, leaning over him slightly as I waited for him to release me, thin fingers still digging into my thick coat as he held on around my neck.

When I tried to back away he pulled me closer, his grip tightening to iron.

"K-Kanda," He quietly wept, his body shaking. I knew it wouldn't stop, no matter how strongly I held him, not in these conditions, his silver eyes violently sealed closed like it would make the salty water works cease to exist, "Where... w-where are w-we going?"

Just the sound of his voice, laced with all that agony, all that pain, threatened to crumble my heart like a cookie.

"Home," I stated calmly, brushing a single lock of snow white hair from his gorgeous features, "Where I can treat that bruise."

At that he revealed his shining molten iris's, studying me as I watched his eyes, as I used my sleeve to wipe away his newest tear.

And just barely, he smiled, his lips turning upwards the tiniest bit because of my small gesture, his weary face brightening like no sun I'd ever seen. My heart jumped, I suddenly felt like I was watching a flower bloom for the first time, his smile was just that good. So good that it even got to me.

God Allen... Who could ever do this to you?


	4. The Warmth Of Him

_Run._

_Run, run, run._

_Run away._

_I couldn't think to do anything else, just run, get away from him._

_Find Kanda..._

_Yeah... Yeah, I could do that._

_The sharp echoing sound of a twig snapping somewhere behind me sent a fear-filled shiver down my spine, pushing my feet into high gear. Suddenly trees are fading in around me, the grass growing out of the dark path of nothingness I had been thudding along, and I'm whizzing my way through a black forest now, my thoughts in shambles, unable to function anything more then my legs._

_The moonlight is the only light to guide me, the beams giving me a limited sight, flashes of trees and grass my only view, thin gnarly weeds trying their best to tangle themselves around my shoes. Easily I rip through them, but I've been running for so long, my legs are screaming for me to give up the chase._

_Never, I thought, I'll never stop, not until I find Kanda._

_And with my thought his voice rang out from behind me, it was him, his voice, I knew it was._

_"Moyashi!" _

_It was enough to contradict all my thoughts, make me freeze in place after whipping around to the snapping behind me. I hadn't found him yet, but I stopped anyway, why not run to him?_

_Why did I stop?_

_Through the trees and foliage I spied a flash of his raven hair, the grass grown so tall behind me that it shivered and bent in waves from the moves somewhere beyond it, his voice still calling. _

_Screaming._

_He's worried. _

_Scared. _

_The swift air-slicing swish of a blade was all I heard before a chunk of grass fell away, revealing the raven haired male as he sheathed a long sleek katana, my eyes wide, my heart stopped._

_He stepped forward, his long loose hair flowing around him, his chest heaving with each breath just as mine was, dark cobalt eyes almost glowing in the moonlight._

_"Kanda?" I called his name shakily, my legs beginning to tremble under my own weight._

_In a few large strokes he approached me, wrapping me in his embrace, my legs giving out as I fell into his warm loving arms. _

_"What happened?" He asked quietly, "what happened?"_

_I didn't even know myself._

_I just... I knew I needed to get away._

_"I-I... I don't know..." I whispered into his chest, my body slowly growing warmer from the heat of his embrace._

_I felt one of his hands lift from around me, brushing through my hair comfortingly before sliding down to my cheek._

_I winced as his fingertips grazed the bruised flesh, a sudden pain rushing through my body, escaping me with a gasp from my lips. My eyes flew closed at the pain, his grip tightening on me, his breath like a heater in my ear._

_"I'll protect you." He whispered, his sultry deep voice overwhelming the moment of pain, the heat radiating from him so much so that I swore we were going to burst into flames, it was a wonder he didn't cry out, didn't let me fall from his arms._

_I sighed, my body shivering against his large frame._

_I opened my eyes, only getting a second, only barely taking in his darkened silhouette under the moonlight before my eyes where flying open again._

Immediately, all the traces of the dream where gone.

The brightness of reality blinded me as my silver eyes blinked open to a plain whitewash ceiling, a small hum leaving my lips unintentionally, the sheets pulled up around me making the bed so comfortably warm that I just wanted to snuggle deeper into them.

The familiar scent of soba with gentle minty undertones filled my senses, the dark red covers stinking so strongly you would think they emitted the smell themselves, their warmth and safety so comforting that I almost fell right back into sleep, but something dark moving in the corner of my sight caught my attention.

I slowly turned my gaze towards the movement, the raven haired male from my dreams entering my vision, a scowl decorating his handsome face as he placed a glass of water on the bedside table.

"K-kanda...?" I whispered his name, my voice thick like syrup with sleep.

"Finally, your awake," he grumbled, "I thought you'd sleep here all night."

I scrunched my face in sleepy confusion, lifting a hand to rub a tired eye as I sat up in the large bed.

"Wh-? Where...?"

He rolled his cobalt orbs at my sputtering, sighing like the answer should have been obvious.

"Your in my room Moyashi, where else?"

H-his room?! I was in Kanda's room?!

"T-this is you-your room?" I squeaked in surprise, my blood building in my cheeks as I blinked away the sleep, eyes turning away to glance about the mysteries of the forbidden room.

Never had I been inside Kanda's room before, he barely let's people past the front door let alone into his most private sleeping quarters. It was cleaner then I imagined it to be, the walls painted a cream white with seemingly random hand painted murals on the walls, and has a wood floor with a small area rug in the center of the medium sized room. The bed is pushed into a corner, a bookshelf resting against the wall that faces the end of the bed, an open door in the corner opposite to me showing a dimly lit hallway, a window to my left showing it was still early in the evening.

"Here," he said blankly, taking my attention off the room and moving it to the glass of water he was suddenly shoving into my chest.

Slowly, I accepted the forceful offering, mumbling a small thank you before taking a sip.

"You don't have a headache or anything do you?"

I shook my head, I don't feel any pain, not feeling much more then a little drowsy.

"Good," He said roughly, before turning and heading for the door, "I'll be right back."

He disappeared into the hall, my eyes slowly leaving the doorway he'd just been standing in, fluttering over to the murals that decorated the walls.

Now that I took a closer look I noticed that a few murals where half finished, pencil marks showing barely visible sketches that completed the images... There's even one that looks like he hasn't started it yet, the image resembling a person that stood at a life-sized height, their head turned up to the sky, their back to the viewer, hands clasped behind his back. Even as just a sketch it looked beautiful, the character giving an innocent feel, the lines that I guessed represented the colors for the sky making it easy to imagine what it will look like when it's finished.

I grinned fondly at the art, remembering the time when Kanda was still in high school with us and had made the mistake of putting down his sketch book near Lavi, he'd been furious to find Lavi's immature an inappropriate sketches added to his book. I'm still not exactly sure what they were of, Lavi refused to show me, he just kept smirking and when Kanda discovered the images his entire face had gone red, so whatever he drew it must have been embarrassing.

Rolling my shoulders and raising my arms over my head, I closed my eyes to enjoy a stretch, my back cracking quietly and my shirt riding up on me. I yawned out of it, pushing myself to the edge of the bed, opening my eyes to see Kanda standing once again in the doorway, smirking as he watched me.

My mouth is suddenly dry like I tried drinking sand, and I lick my lips, looking away and fighting the urge to bite the appendage, my skin itching beneath that gaze of his.

I could hear his muffled steps as he came towards me, jumping a little when he thrust a small wooden bowl filled with a greenish colored paste into my hands.

"Hold that." He commanded.

I didn't question him, taking the bowl, curiously wondering what was happening. My eyes widened as he scooped a large amount of the goop into his fingers and brought them up to my face.

My bruise stung lightly as he applied the stuff that I now assumed was some sort of ointment, I could see him frowning as I grimaced in light pain, the substance cool against my skin and smelling faintly of honey.

"What is this stuff?" I asked lifting the bowl a little closer to my face to examine the cream.

"It's a remedy baka."

"Where did you get it? It smells good."

He was quiet for a second, lowering the bowl from my face and picking up another scoop.

"I made it."

My lips parted in surprise, "You... You made this? For me?"

"You don't have to act so surprised."

"S-sorry... Where did you learn to make this?"

He gave a sad smirk, focusing on the task at hand, ignoring my following eyes. The sight tugged at my heart, and I wanted to take back my question, decide to hug him or something instead.

"My mother, she... She used to show me how to make all kinds of home remedy's when I was growing up, I even have the book she kept of all the recipes."

"That sounds... really nice." I said quietly, the sting in my cheek slowly fading and flaring with each careful rub.

He slathered on another generous glob, both of us silent for a few moments before he finished, sighing as he took the bowl from me.

"It was... Very nice."

Kanda put the bowl down on the bedside table, wiping his paste covered fingers off on his arm and rubbing the substance into his skin.

Carefully he sat on the edge of his bed, turning to face my side so that one leg rested up on the bed, letting the other hang loosely off the edge. I kept my head down, but I could still clearly see his every movement, how even with this air around us he was so naturally graceful, like watching an animal in the wild. He raised his arms, reaching behind himself to pull tighter his ribbon tied locks, and I spied quietly, his movements as beautiful as an elk racing through an open field but I knew with his defense training he was as dangerous as the cheetah that chased it.

I didn't like this quiet, this silent air, and when it seemed like he had nothing to say, I gathered the courage to open my mouth.

And of course I said something stupid.

"So... I uh... I fell asleep, huh?"

That earned me a chuckle, the sound deep and throaty and wonderful to my ears.

He shook his head gently, I could feel his eyes turn to me, I wondered what he was thinking. Was he tired of me already? Was he regretting asking me out? Does he want to leave me because of my problems?

No. I know the answer to all of those questions are no, I've known Kanda for years, he's not that kind person. He wouldn't give up on me, not after one day, one issue... Not after holding me like he did... but still, I'm a horrible person, stupid and full of doubt.

"Baka Moyashi."

I frowned, looking up only to be shocked by the dark electric blue eyes that rippled with waves of amusement, a slight smirk playing on his delicious lips.

"Yes, you passed out in the truck on the way here."

I fell asleep in his truck...

Thinking back I can't remember falling asleep, but it had been so warm in the vehicle, so comforting, so safe with him next to me that it wasn't a surprise.

I had fallen asleep in his truck in no time at all, tears streaming silently down my face, I had cried myself to sleep in the middle of his rescue, all because I was embarrassed, and scared, and worried. My cheek had stung like a bee with something against me, my heart aching like an overworked muscle, my everything trembling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders... but mostly because, the moment he held me in his arms... I couldn't hold it together. My emotions started to over flow, when he held me it was as if he was holding me together, as if he was using his own body to keep glued the pieces that felt like they were about to break away.

It made me feel like I could let it all go, give everything holding me in one piece a break. He wanted to be my glue, his cradling hands begging to be the sticky stuff that kept me together, no one had wanted to be my glue before... and I melted.

I melted into him like ice cream that had been left out on a steamy summers day, a puddle of sweetness that didn't want to just roll down him but stain him, make him carry me, be stuck with me forever.

"Sorry..." I mumbled with a frown.

Just then a warmth encased my hand, silvery eyes gracing the appendage to see it covered by the other, my heart doing a leap in my chest from the contact.

"Don't be."

I felt a lump of emotion form in my throat but before I could swallow it his other hand graced my chin, directing my gaze to his rarely emotion filled cobalt ocean's, his gaze calmer then the sea's waves on perfect day, as appeasing as when the waters lap gently against the shore of a beach. My breath soundlessly caught in my throat as he leaned forward, staring down at me with worried yet hopeful feelings that stirred in his fond, still, pools. I didn't realize that my eyes where closing until my sight was dark, Kanda's breath gracing my skin before his pillow soft lips pressed tenderly to mine in a kiss so heart racing I feared I'd wake up again to find him as just a dream.

I hesitated before my lips moved to match his, the reality that Kanda was kissing me not fully registering until I felt the large hand on my hip squeeze like he was contemplating push away from me. I refused to let him back out of our light connection, my boyfriend showing a sweet side that he never showed anyone, and in a second of panic I pushed back a little more roughly then I meant too.

He hummed sweetly against my lips, a motion that had me melting all over again, the taste of soba, green tea, and the smallest hint of mint filling my senses like the scent was claiming me for him.

My hands left their places to find exchange on his shirt, one resting carefully on his chest while the other clutched the collar of his gray and black sweater, pulling his lips closer into mine, deepening the kiss and sinking into it until my lungs began to burn with the need for oxygen.

It was a mutual pull away as we separated, each of us taking a gasp of untainted air, eyes flying open, my lips tingling with a ghosting of his now slightly smirking mouth.

I could only see adoration now, his entire demeanor protective but careful, my cheeks filling with a red dust because of his gaze.

He seemed to blink, as if suddenly realizing he'd kissed me.

"M-Moyashi," he stuttered the name in worry, quickly scooting away from me, "S-sorry, I didn't- I just wanted- oh god, that was way too soon-"

"Kanda..." I said his name quietly.

Why is he... apologizing? He wanted to kiss me didn't he? It was a little soon, we just started dating yesterday but I... In all honesty... I've been in love with Kanda for over two years... wanted Kanda to kiss me, wished he'd look my way for over two years... too afraid to speak up.

"Did you...? No, I'm... I'm happy you kissed me."

The word happy didn't feel right, didn't really encompass what I felt, but it seemed to ease him anyway. I reached forwards, scooting closer, taking the spot he'd backed out of, placing my hand in his innocently.

"Please don't be sorry, please, I... I know it was soon but I... It was everything I thought a first kiss would be."

He stared wide eyed at our hands, his cobalt eyes only turning to meet my silvers when I gave a small squeeze. I grinned at his speechlessness, he had no idea what to say, it... it was... so cute...

I blushed at my own thoughts, doing my darnedest to burn the image of speechless Kanda into my mind, blinking in surprise as his face was suddenly inches from mine.

His lips crashed against me, gentle yet needing, like he was tasting me, memorizing the feeling of our lips pressed together. My heart fluttered as I pressed back, arms wrapping around his neck, my mouth molding to his so that his natural taste overpowered my own. I couldn't help the small hum that bubbled from my throat, Kanda sliding a hand to the small of my back before slowly separating us, resting his forehead against mine as we huffed shallowly.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that... Allen."

A shiver jumped down my back at the sound of my name spoken in his deep, breathless, voice.

"May... Maybe I've been waiting just as long to say them."

He smirked, shaking his head just barely, his grip on me tightening. I could hear a heartbeat hitting dangerous levels, but whether it was mine or his was a mystery to me, the eerie quiet of an empty house surrounding us yet going unnoticed, our focus completely on each other. It was like we were in a whole other world, one where only we existed, one that I never wanted to leave because it was filled with him, with Kanda, his presence, his warmth, his scent. One where lotus petals constantly drifted from the sky like rain, and the breeze always blew just enough to catch his long strands, where green tea waterfalls made the most magnificent sights only when he was standing beneath them. A world that was so joyful and empty of worry's, a world filled with... love. So much love that I could hardly stand it.

And within a heartbeat we where in his room, not half past a blink of an eye before we're sitting on his bed, my eyes watering from the enjoyment I felt in our embrace.

"Tell me what happened."

His voice was like waking up all over again.

"Who hurt you Allen?"


	5. The Need For His Love

_*plays I won't give up by Jason Mraz*_

_"Who hurt you Allen?"_

Should I tell him? Probably... but what would that do to solve my problems?

Next to nothing.

I'd only be dragging him down with me, just like Cross was dragging me.

Still in his arms, we hadn't moved an inch, the seconds of silence ticking away on the clock, Kanda surprisingly patient as he waited for an explanation.

"I... I can't tell you."

"You can't or you won't Moyashi?"

The hidden pleading in his rough tone hammered at my heart. I felt my eyes prickle, my breathing a little shaky as I spoke.

"I- I... I can handle it."

This way he can escape when it's too much.

I'm already not worth the time, not worth _his_ time but... As selfish as I am, I'll take what he wants to give me.

For a few beats he was silent, but then his strong arms encased me in a tight hug, his voice a whisper when he finally spoke.

"I know you can... But I'm not sure _I_ can handle it, knowing someone's hurting you like that..."

"Yuu..." I tried to pull back, to look him in his eyes, but he wouldn't let me, only clutching me tighter.

"... You know you're not alone right? I've been here Moyashi, I'll... I'll be here as long as you want me here. You're strong, I know you are, you're so upbeat after everything... I..."

This time he let me pull back, I stared straight into his cobalt eyes, practically swallowing my heart from his sweet words.

"... Would you really do that? Stay if I wanted?"

"I shouldn't have to answer that Moyashi."

He was right, the slight offense in his voice making me cringe against him before looking away.

"Moyashi I... "

"-I'm sorry..."

I cut him off quietly, meekly, but with it came his hand, once again steering my eyes to his.

"I trust you Kanda, I swear I do, I'm just..."

"I know."

I could see he understood, he could see my fear, could probably hear it in my voice.

My heart pounded while we gazed into the windows of each others souls, his ocean pools hard now to show he was serious, but I knew, I knew that that was his disguise.

He was begging me to tell him on the inside, to let him make it all better.

But I couldn't do that to him.

"Allen." He rumbled my name in his deep voice and I wanted to cloth myself in the sound, wear it like a blanket.

"I want you Allen."

My eyes widened, and good god, at this rate I'd have a heart attack, a stutter passing my lips.

"W-what?"

He was a hundred percent on his one, completely sure, utterly serious, the words spoken almost huskily, and they made my organs flip.

"I want you Allen, I want to call you mine, so I can protect you better."

So he can...? Is he...?

He wants me to be his, so that he can protect me better... because Kanda, he protects best what's his. His friends, his family... his boyfriend.

"Be my boyfriend Allen, officially, with holding hands in public and all the works."

I thought I was going to puke, throw up all over him and ruin the moment, but instead everything seemed to dry and shrivel away. My heart, my throat... My answer.

All of it felt clogged in my windpipe, I was shocked I didn't choke.

When I didn't say anything he looked almost forlorn, but by god, by the thank-fueled gods, he was stubborn and wouldn't take the intense silence as an answer, wouldn't let his own hopes and doubts assume the meaning of the silence.

He just stared, quietly, patiently waiting. Oh how tired he must be of all this suspense, of all the unspoken words, the time being wasted on thinking.

I want him, I want him so badly that the sight of him makes my knees week, that his eyes melt what little pathetic emotional walls I have.

I can keep him in the dark can't I? He won't like it... But I'm greedy enough to put my feelings above his.

I'm in too deep already, far above touching the bottom, there's no doubt.

One day, I'm going to drown without him. I'm the one who gets hurt when he leaves.

"You really want-"

"Yes."

He meant every word... as he held me tightly, almost like if he let go I'd crumble like a sand castle beneath a wave, looking into my soul, he meant every word.

I wanted to cry again, to weep, and for what reason I didn't know... There where too many to know for sure.

"Yes." I breathed the single syllable, my hold on him reaching a new level of tight.

"I'll be your boyfriend, Yuu."

(Kanda's pov)

My mind reeled as he spoke, said the words that made every one of my deepest desires a reality. It was everything I had not to ravish him in this moment, to leave my mark across every crevice of his unclaimed flesh, to pull him down on the bed, throw a blanket over us and fall asleep knowing that in my arms he was safe from who ever hurt him.

I could see how his eyes shone with unshed tears, his hold rivaling my own, his smaller frame shaking in my arms but by the look on his face he hadn't noticed.

God, I wish he would just tell me who was hurting him so I could rip their skull from their spinal cord.

I wanted the anger to bubble in my chest, to broil inside me until it over flowed into a series of well placed punches on the face of who ever dared to lay their hands on the Moyashi.

On _MY_ Moyashi.

No one touches what's mine.

I smirked down at the male in my arms, his warmth more comforting then any blanket, his ginormous silver eyes gazing up at me with storms of emotions, it made my heart pound on my ribs.

I wanted to kiss him again, to feel the softness of his skin, my lips tingled for it.

But I settled for his embrace, the Moyashi burying his face in my chest.

Here I was in heaven, and for once I'm feeling... Content, happy, almost satisfied with life like this, but then the violent vibrations of his phone in his jean pocket seemed to break the peaceful moment.

My Moyashi flew back in my arms, bolting to sit up straight as his eyes widened into dinner plates, a small gasp leaving his lips.

"Oh my- What time is it?!" He exclaimed in a panic, "I totally forgot about work! Aw man, the boss is going to kill me!"

He started to scramble from my arms, standing next to the bed before whipping out his phone, answering the device timidly.

"Where in the world are you Walker?!" I heard our bosses voice clearly through the speaker, Allen quickly holding the phone away from his ear at an arm's length.

"You where supposed to be here an hour ago you little shithead!"

"I-I I'm sorry sir! I know sir! I-I-!"

I cut him off a little more harshly then I meant to, a scowl taking my lips as I plucked the electronic from his hand, the younger watching me with surprised and frightened silvery dollop eyes.

"Hello?" I growled into the phone angrily."

"Kanda? Your with the little shit?!"

"Don't you talk to him like that," I hissed lowly into the phone, Allen's already wide eyes growing impossibly wider, "you want to blame anyone, you blame me, but if I hear you say anything like that again, I don't care if you fire me, I will kick your ass."

He wouldn't dare fire me.

There was a long pause on the other side of the phone before the man on the other end finally replied in a low warning tone.

"You've got ten minutes to get down here boy."

"_Che._"

The echoing click of him hanging up followed my scoff, and for a brief moment I stared at the phone angrily, handing it back to my obviously scared Moyashi.

In a sad attempt to comfort him I gave him a small smirk, resting my hand on his shoulder, guiding him gently towards the door ahead of me.

"Come on Moyashi, we're late enough as it is."

"But- but- but-...?" He stuttered in confusion, allowing my gentle push.

"It's fine, you might get a warning but that's all, don't worry."

"W-wait, what happened? What did he say? He's not going to fire you for talking like that is he?!"

"Don't worry about it." I replied gruffly, the younger shaking his head.

"Too late Kanda."

He spoke defiantly, shrugging my hand off his shoulder, stopping us in our tracks not ten feet from the front door, turning and frowning at me.

"Your not taking all the blame for this Kanda, I don't want to get fired but I also don't want you punished because you were helping me."

"He won't fire me Moyashi."

"How can you say that so confidently?" He stated me down determinedly, a slowly deepening frown marring the regular brightness of his features, refusing to budge now.

Every move the sprout made only widened my smirk, the thought of this perfect little Moyashi being all mine, coupled with his stubborn, and worried expressions, had my heart doing summersaults through my body. How sweet a feeling it is to have someone like him worry for me for a change... To have anyone worried about me.

I wondered at how he was still so open, so happy, with everything he's been through.

It made me want to be someone he could rely on, to be the one he could never doubt.

"Just trust me Moyashi, he wouldn't dare fire me, we have a plausible excuse, so just trust me, alright?"

He paused, then adorably folded his arms across his chest, giving me a skeptical once over before ultimately deciding to drop it for now, the white haired boy pouting and heading for the door.

"Fine, lets go then, but if you get fired then I swear I'll...! Um..."

Allen faltered in thought as he tried to come up with some sort of punishment, like getting fired wouldn't be enough of one.

I chuckled, causing him to flush a fine shade of pink as he yelled at me my consequence.

"O-or else!... No kisses for a week!"

And then he stormed from my apartment, throwing the door open, not bothering to slam it closed as he ran off in embarrassment.

How fucking adorable.

It's a good thing he ran away because if he'd just stood there blushing like that, I don't know how long I could control myself. I could still feel the bounty softness of his lips, his lighter weight in my arms as I held him, his shiny innocent eyes that I want to always radiate happiness unless I, and only I, corrupt them by clouding them with lust.

A shiver ran down my spine as a scene bubble from my imagination, my thoughts consumed by the need to follow it in suit and have the Moyashi locked against the nearest wall with nothing more then all of my body, to whisper in his ear something to make both our hearts race, to kiss his lips with a passion for him I'd been holding in for the good part of an entire year.

I felt something stir in me and immediately I shook away the shameful thoughts, frowning at myself before heading after my boyfriend.

Now was not the time to be daydreaming, I'll save those for a better time.

I found the Moyashi leaning coolly against the hood of my truck with his arms crossed, not paying much attention to his surroundings as he watched, with a gentle smile, some kids down the road play basketball.

"Oi." I said lowly in his ear, the shorter jumping only to scoff, frown, and speak my name the same way a mother would to scold her child.

I smirked at his reaction, pulling open the passenger door and telling him to get in so we could get to work already.

When we're finally on our way, I have to restrain myself the whole ride, his obvious worry and fidgeting urging me, tempting me to hold him still, to take away his thoughts, distract him with my lips, just for a little while...

Just until he forgets all his worries.


	6. The Thing He Hates To Admit

"Just let me come with you!"

"No! Just get to work so you don't get in anymore trouble, I'll handle it Moyashi!"

"Don't take all the blame for this Kanda, it was my fault, you shouldn't have to-!"

"I'll be fine! It's not a big deal if I get in shit but you could get fired!"

"So could you!"

"I won't get fired! I already told you!"

Loudly, the Moyashi and I argued, standing in the echoing storage area of the Home Depot, neither of us realizing that our angered voices were probably carrying out across the store.

When we'd gotten to work the manager, a usually smily woman named Casey Kiely, had greeted us by flipping out over my Moyashi's bruise, and demanded we tell her what happened.

Casey's a friend of Allen's, I try to tolerate her because of that, and she's the manager of the store. She does a great job, is organized, keeps everything and everyone in check. She mildly annoys me with her high nasally voice, overly friendly attitude, and her ignorance of my 'no touch' policy. She's a hugger, and I always felt a fierce bolt of jealousy shoot through me whenever I caught her too thin, noodle arms wrapped around the Moyashi.

Personally I hated hugs, so of course I told her to 'fuck off' after her third attempt, which now that I look back wasn't the best choice of words since she immediately burst into tears in the middle of the store and wouldn't stop crying until I gave in.

She's a sneaky childish little brat... And she's almost thirty.

"Would you two keep it down! I can here you from the registers!"

Speak of the devil, she appears.

Allen blushed cutely, standing back on his heels, frowning, arms crossed as he did his best to look angry, my stance almost matching his, minus the light blush.

"Sorry." The white haired male grumbled at the same time that I scoffed.

I could feel him glare at me.

Casey sighed tiredly from the doorway, rolling her eyes at our usual bickering.

"You better hurry it up and solve your little issue or so help me, I'll report you both."

I felt Allen tense next to me at her words, but I just rolled my eyes, Casey smiling knowing that she's gotten through to at least Allen... Not that it was hard with that sort of threat.

"You wouldn't." I said boredly in reply.

She grinned, "oh but I would sweetie, so hurry up already, the boss is waiting for you in his office."

And with that she slipped back out of the room, leaving me to silently fume in annoyance while my Moyashi thought intensely, flashing me worried determined glances.

"... Kanda."

He stated my name, didn't call my name, but stated it through what sounded like clenched teeth, his determination and stubborn overtaking his usual shy innocence.

It actually sent a half fearful, half excited shiver through my bones, and I knew I was in hot water with him.

Slowly I turned towards him, determination written all over his face.

And then came the transformation.

Gorgeous, wide, pure silver eyes turned sad and pleading, his lips taking on the most perfect mixture of plumpness and frown in a horribly adorable pout as he looked up at me.

"Please, Kanda... Can't I come?"

I thought my heart would snap in two, I was sucked in almost immediately, their was no resisting that face.

With a deep frown I glanced around the large room before approaching the pouting Moyashi, letting my hands find his waist and my lips his forehead.

"Moyashi, just let me do the talking because I swear, if that bastard speaks one word past a warning I'll-"

"You'll get fired!" He exclaimed lowly, worry and something else floating around in his steely depth's.

"I won't."

"You don't know that BaKanda."

I hesitated, not rebutting, not letting him out of my grip, and eventually I sighed again.

"I do know, he can't fire me... he's my stepfather, if he fired me my mother would kill him."

I watched carefully for his reaction, the boy in my arms frowning, eyes flashing to a concoction of anger and concern.

"That's your step-father? Our boss?"

With a 'che' I rolled my eyes, slowly backing off of him, instantly missing his warm lithe frame.

"Yeah... That's him, that's why I don't want you coming with me, he'll take it too far if he talks to you, but it was his idea to have me work here, if he fires me over this one time I'm late he'll be in hot water."

And if he ever finds out about us... running away is going to be the only thing that saves us.

Allen was quiet, shining eyes riddled with thought until he surprised me. I didn't expect the smaller hand that slide into mine, the thin fingers fitting between my own.

My heart, suddenly it was off beat like a cup of caffeine had kicked in, and we seemed to have a silent conversation, his pure silver pools telling me everything that's running through that beautiful mind of his.

It was a connection I'd never experienced before. Usually I could read him, but this...

With the feeling of a reassuring squeeze on my hand, I seemed to blink, and he was smiling up at me.

He pressed his lips to my cheek, whispering before letting his grip fall, and then heading soundlessly, with his natural light footed bounciness, towards the front of the store.

"Don't be long Yuu... I'll be waiting."

I wanted to collapse, my knee's weak, my heart trembling. He's so sweet and innocent that I want to hug the life out of him, I love him more every second he understands me because he, he just gets it... A hundred percent more then anyone else has ever comprehended about me.

Doesn't he know how much he affects me? If not he might be the death of me, he weakens my control on everything.

I stood there looking like an idiot as I tried to take my focus back from him and the tingling his peck left on my cheek, my odd state fading like a horizon, I came to.

I never daydream more then when Allen's around.

I shook my head, tightening my tied up hair as I always did before battle, and taking the same door out. I turned right instead of left, heading down a short hallway that lead to my step-douches office.

I sighed outside his door, anticipating the screaming I was about to endure, hoping for the best for once.

Usually I'd just roll my eyes at his shitty attempts to intimidate me, but this time what he said mattered, it affects more than just me.

I raised my hand to the door, obvious scowl on my lips as I knocked, his muffled voice calling for me to enter.

""""""""""""""""""""

**So sorry this took a really long time but I got a summer job at a day camp so I haven't had a lot of time to work and my living arrangements for work give me limited wifi, but I will try my best to get chapters done.**


	7. The Wrong Words

Stepping into the small dull office I let the door slam a little too hard behind me, plopping into one of my stepdads bullshit brown guest chairs, arms folded over my chest rebelliously.

I felt like a one man army entering this ugly beige room, the last cocky soldier on the field of war, standing against the general that took down the rest of my fellow men.

"Where's the little shit? The little fag too much of a bitch to even come in here?"

_'No 'hello!'? What a surprise'_

David Cutting is my step-prick, a bastard to anyone who really knows him, a decent guy when his own ass is on the line.

The moment his mouth moved I wanted to ram my Katana through his throat.

"Fuck you David, the reason he's not here is because it's my fucking fault, we were hanging out at my place and lost track of time, I told him not to come. Don't put down people you don't know."

"And since when do you give two shit's about anything I say?"

"Since you started flapping your black gums at my friend!"

"Pfft, like you and your attitude could ever obtain a friend, he's probably using you to keep his bullies away."

Just because he's my step-ass doesn't mean anything he says stings, he thinks he can bully me. I just glare at him angrily in reply, and he rolls his eyes while covering up a smirk.

Damn him, he can go to hell for all I care.

"So you'll kick my ass huh? If I talk down to your pathetic friend, is that what you'll do?"

"You're god damn right! Talk down to me all you want old man, but he doesn't deserve to be talked to that way, especially not by a piece of shit like you."

"Whoa! Now, now, you're not becoming a queer on me! Are you Kanda?!"

"Oh, for heavens sake!"

"If he's a god damn fag I'll hunt him down."

"The FUCK's that supposed to mean!?"

"He's not gay is he? With that hair color, it's so hard to tell these days! If you hang around them you'll become like them! You know how I feel about _those_ people!"

He hissed the word those like it was the scum of the earth, like all he could ever detest was the type of people he referred to with the word.

"OH MY- NO! He was born with that hair, he's part albino you dip-shit! Stop accusing everyone I know of liking the same sex!"

"Fine! Fine! You want to take the little shits punishment? Fine then! You get an extra shift tonight to make up for the missed time, plus one for every day this week."

"The rest of the week?! That's against my worker's rights!"

Sitting smugly behind his pretty oak desk, face contorted into something I'd only ever seen in monster movies, and he continued to argue with me in a screaming match.

I got accusation, after insult, after accusation, and I denied and defied every word he spoke.

It would be an hour before I was able to escape that horrendous office, leave his disgusting presence, my ears ringing from our angry yelling, my heart engulfed in a fiery rage at every word he spoke bad against both my Moyashi and I. In the end I had to take the extra shifts as punishment, but I haggled the weekend to my favor, and during our loud bantering he took every chance he had to slip in some sort of insult.

I'm on the edge of beating him to a bloody pulp, fists clenched, headache only a few harsh words away.

I didn't help that every lie was like a needle in my eye, pain crossing me with every foul word, I hated that in front of him I have to deny who I am, what Allen means to me.

But he doesn't suspect a thing between Allen and I... yet... and that's all I could ever ask is that he never knows.

Storming from the room I, once again, slammed his office door behind me, the sound echoing down the hall, masking my harsh heavy-footed stomps. The two things that kept me from lashing out on him was the thoughts of Allen waiting for me, the nagging my own brain berated me with on how Allen would want me to control myself.

Thank god I live in my own place, have my own life, my poor mother has to deal with that dumbass -not that she can't handle him, she's got him wrapped around her little finger so tightly that I'm surprised the circulation hasn't been cut off- but then she's the one who chose him after my father walked out on us.

I guess she really never had good taste in men. Not that I'm complaining, she got me out of it so that's one good thing.

But I hated coming home everyday when I was still in high school. He'd come home after work and just let all his stress out on me, it was horrible, and the one time I brought over a more 'flamboyant' friend he went crazy.

When I said very rebelliously, "What if I am gay?" he started laughing hysterically and threatened to kill me. I panicked, assuring him I wasn't gay in the process, explaining that my friend was just a little strange, and he calmed right down.

My mother calls it extreme homophobia, to the point where he goes to anti-LGBQT meetings and protests. He even harassed the lesbian couple that lives at the end of our street for a while, until it got so bad that they got a restraining order.

If that Nazi for gays ever found out about me and Allen... I don't even want to think about what he'd do.

I am so glad I didn't get my mother's taste in men.

When I returned to the many aisles of actual store I headed straight to the registers, something Allen usually handled because of his charming, pearly white smile, and upbeat attitude. Casey usually shoved me into the back, saying I'm to scary to run the registers during day hours.

Che, like I really care, I rather be stacking boxes than bullshitting some poor sap into the newest drill set.

I exited the aisle rather quickly, my eyes immediately catching a flash of white standing behind a checkout counter a few feet away, his back to me for the moment as he reached for some fresh plastic bags.

Without thinking I ducked back into the aisle, keeping close to the car cleaning products that lined the shelving, peeking around the corner to make sure Allen hadn't seen me. Curiously I watched as he greeted an older man purchasing fishing rods and tackle with a young boy. Allen smiled and laughed at the young boy's excitement as the child tried to explain that his Uncle was taking him fishing, the Moyashi being his usual charming self, humored the boy by asking him harmless questions as he checked them out.

He doesn't know it, but I've watched from afar many times in the past.

I know, it's sounds creepy, but I just... Really I have no excuse. I guess I could say that a lack of courage brought me to this point but that'd be a lie, if anything has coaxed me into hiding behind a shelf so I could watch Allen unnoticed, I'd say it was because... it's Allen that I'm watching. Dashing, adorable, happy little Allen, just being his natural self.

I've never found anything more precious than him.

I couldn't help wonder what his parents had been like, all my life I had my mother who always seemed to keep herself a few steps away after my father left. What kind of people did someone like Allen come from? With such natural kindness and fine beauty in their veins. They must have been real parents, they must have been close, not that I was never loved, I knew my mother loved me, she protected me when she felt the need and she provided for me, she cried buckets when I moved out... But I feel like she never truly tried to get to know me, to understand me.

Not like Allen's trying.

"KANDA!"

The sudden shout of my name had me jumping back from the shelving, heart thumping rapidly in my chest, a smug looking Casey watching me with knowing eyes.

I sighed in relief, for a second I swore it was my stepfather.

"Damn it Casey!"

"Aww, did I disturb your stalking?"

"I'm not stalking! I was wo-"

"Oh yeah 'working', get a new excuse Yuu, and grow some balls while you're at it. I have never seen a grown man hide like a child."

"Oi! Why don't you-"

"Kanda? Casey? What's going on? I heard someone yell."

I froze the moment that melody of a voice reached my ears, Casey only growing a smirk and adopting a carefree attitude in the white haired boy's presence.

"Nothing, just telling Yuu-ie here that he's not getting anywhere stalking you."

"I was not stalking him!" I hissed angrily at the woman, eyebrows pulled together in frustration.

"Call it what you wish it's still creepy."

Allen merely blushed lightly for a moment, his appearance ignored by me and Casey in favor of our bickering.

We only stopped when I felt a warmth encase my arm, Allen hugging my appendage to his chest, smiling warmly.

"I think it's cute."

By God, I almost blushed.

"I'm not cute!" I argued, the Moyashi giggling before sliding off.

"Get back to work you birds, and no running off to frolic in the back room, you're on the job."

She only took a few steps before it occurred to me, she doesn't know not to say anything.

"Uh, Casey w-"

"Don't worry Kanda," she cut me off again, flashing a soft smile from over her shoulder, "I know what the boss is like... Your secret's safe with me."

"... Thanks."

"Take care of that bruise Allen." She said sweetly and then exited the aisle.

Allen turned to me the moment she disappeared, a sly smile on his perfectly colored lips.

"What's she mean? What secret? You hiding something?"

I rolled my eyes, grinning anyway.

"You, genius, my stepfather... He's not the most supportive of my choices... Just, we need to stay on the down low at work, okay?"

"Oh." He said simply, his tone holding the tiniest amount of hurt.

My heart cringed, immediately I wanted to take back what I'd said so casually, word it in a better way.

Looking around I took his hands in mine, leaning in close.

"Allen... I will never say you're not mine, you are my boyfriend and no one's opinion on that matters except yours, I don't mean to change that. If anyone were to come up to me and ask, I would tell them we're together in a heartbeat, I'm yours as long as you want me and I'd tell the whole world if could but I... My stepfather doesn't understand this, what we have, he's very against it, to a point that it's scary, and I... I couldn't forgive myself if he hurt you Allen..."

I paused when his hands squeezed mine comfortingly, and I dared to rest my face in his neck, to silently become overwhelmed with his scent.

"We can talk more about this later if you'd like, but for now, we're... Just keeping work professional."

I could feel the Moyashi slowly nod against me and I hoped that he understood. We would definitely have a talk about this later, we just couldn't now, this isn't the place, not the right time.

Gently I placed a kiss to his shoulder, and upon giving him back his space, our hands slipped apart.

I smirked at him, ruffling his hair silently, feeling my heart ache at the way he seemed to relax a little under my touch.

He gave me a half hearted glare, and I knew that he was cursing me for treating him like he was a kid.

"How's your bruise?" I asked, turning his chin slightly to get a better look, "it doesn't sting or hurt or anything right?"

He tried to turn away, his hand gently rising to grace his own injury, but I was able to get a good look at it.

"I-it only hurts if there's pressure." The words left him quietly.

"Yeah? I can tell the colors already fading a little from the cream."

"Really? I hope so."

"Just try not to touch it much."

He nodded, smiling softly up at me, making my heart start on its gymnastics.

"I won't."

"Good."

"... How was your talk with the boss? You were in there a long time."

I grinned at him, "How do you know I was in there long? Maybe I was mulling around in the back afterwards." I said teasingly.

He let out a small laugh, pushing my shoulder gracefully. "You jerk, don't say stuff like that, I know you wouldn't do that, not while I was waiting for you."

"_Che_, whatever you say Moyashi."

My eyes widened as out of nowhere his arms wrapped around my waist, the younger burying his face in my chest.

"That means I'm right."

"Allen, we have to stay undercover about this, remember? I don't-"

"Kanda, do you remember what you said to me today? When you asked me to be your boyfriend?"

I froze from his voice and didn't reply, I know a rhetorical question when I hear one, he wasn't expecting me to speak.

"... You said, 'with holding hands in public and all the works', that's what you promised me."

My heart raced in its place, I could feel his beating in his chest from the closeness and seriousness of his point, my arms slowly lowered until I hugged him back gently.

I know what I said, I promised him all the affection he could want, no hiding.

"I know Allen, I'm sorry, but it's just for work. I'll figure something out, I promise, just don't worry."

I would never forgive myself if he hurt my Moyashi, and if hiding my feelings will prevent that then so be it for now, I love him too much already... I think I've been in love with Allen for a lot longer then I thought before.

"Allen, I... I'm in..."

I'm such a coward, to big of one to admit it to him... It's probably too soon for him anyway, he'd probably run for his life, we've been dating officially for barely a day... I would run if I were him.

"Kanda?"

"I'm... I'm in deep shit with the boss."

I wanted so desperately to smack myself, the Moyashi's arms loosening their grip on me, I hadn't realized just how tightly he was holding me until now.

"Are you?" He asked, voice muffled by my bright orange work smock.

"Yeah, he let me have all the blame this time, it's just a few extra shifts. I'll be locking this place up for the next couple of days."

"So you'll be working a lot this week then, huh?"

"Looks like it."

I'm going to need a relaxing weekend after all those extra shifts.

"Hey, Moyashi?" I called to him, trying to seem calm and collected, but my palms were beginning to sweat up a river.

"Hmm?" He hummed turning his now curious eyes to me.

"You free this weekend? I was thinking we could grab lunch, maybe take a look around town?"

His instant reaction was to blush, cheeks quickly filling with the rich red coloring, and my everything stiffened.

Holy hell he's cute, far far too cute.

"Th-this weekend?"

I gave him a hopefully encouraging smirk, nodding in verification.

"That sounds great, I'd love too."

"Great, I'll grab you around eleven am, Saturday?"

He smiled, flashing me with his pearly teeth, looking genuinely happy with the plans.

It made my heart stutter, and it took everything I had to not show more affection then a smile and a slight squeeze back.

"Uh, We should probably get back to work huh?" He asked after a moment, his arms sliding off me, mine replicating the action, his tone sounding slightly disappointed.

I want to kiss him, oh how badly I wanted to taste his lips, leave him with something to feel assured by, but I couldn't, I didn't want my lurking step-hell to see us.

"Yeah, I guess we should."


	8. The Week's End

(Kanda)

With a sigh I threw the last broken up box into the giant blue recycling bin, smacking my hands together afterwords to brush off the dusty feelings they obtained from handling so many sheets of cardboard, my stomach rumbling quietly in hunger like a pouty mumbling child.

A slight breeze blew past the side of the Home Depot, it barely swishing my long, heavy, tied back hair. The sun was dipping before me, leaving a purple-orange haze across the sky, the snow covered fields surrounding the building fading to black as the darkness of night worked slowly on its decent.

I had always loved how beautiful the countryside could be, the setting sun's gorgeousness constantly visible, no thick city air or tall grey buildings to block the fiery gas ball from sight.

Tiredly I took a moment to admire the sky, it's colors shifting to shades of pink and blue. Although when it began gracing a more purplish tint I glanced at my phone, it was late, and growing even later by the second.

Everyone should have left over two hours ago but because of my 'punishment' I had to stay those two hours of overtime, to make up for the hour of missed shift on both our parts.

My legs ached with the pain of standing for far too long, my back practically groaning from lifting and moving things around in the storage room and re-stocking the shelves, and if I had to sort through another box of nuts and bolts I think I'd rip out my hair.

So thank heaven and hell it's Friday, the last day I'll be late heading home.

I can't wait to punch out, wait to relax a little, maybe text the Moyashi for a short while, get an idea of where I can take him for our date tomorrow.

We had barely so much as texted since I laid down the no touching rule at work.

It made my chest hurt, knowing it probably upset him, and I've sincerely missed the bean sprout.

"Haaa..." But tonight I'll send him a message, the second I'm punched out that rule can go to hell.

Closing up for the night was quiet, the store eerily silent as I locked the back door, punched my card (with the Moyashi's blushing, smiling face in mind), and strolled through the aisles towards the glass front doors, the wad of keys on a tiny ring jingling in my hand.

The building was dark, but I could see my truck a distance off in the parking lot as I approached the doors, the shape and colors of a familiar figure standing nearby my vehicle becoming clearer with every step.

'Is that...?'

"... Allen?" I whispered his name to myself, scrunching my eyebrows in confusion.

He should have left awhile ago, why is he...?

Cross must have 'forgotten' to come to pick him up... again, a scenario that was becoming frequent lately. I frowned at the thought, this was the third time in a row that I had to take Allen home this week, and his Uncle seems to be growing more and more forgetful day by day.

What kind of man 'forgets' to come pick up his nephew? Especially since the Moyashi is the only family he has left, a fact that the white head had shared with only Lavi and I in my 12th grade year.

Deactivating and locking the front sliding doors, I kept a steady eye on the Moyashi's thin figure, watching him lean against the grey paint of my truck like he'd done so many times before. He shuffled restlessly, irregularly in his place, his eyes turned down to hide the shame that he usually seemed to carry when work days ended this way.

Finally I stood paces away, soaking in the sight of him, his pure white strands falling over his silvery eyes.

It was a good minute before I spoke up.

"Oi, Moyashi?"

"H-hi Kanda."

"... He 'forgot' again, didn't he?"

I frowned when he didn't reply, only flinching at the distaste in my tone.

I pulled out my keys and unlocked the truck, telling him to get in, slipping into the drivers seat myself, not bothering to start up the vehicle.

"I don't understand how he 'forgets' you so often, your his only nephew, his only family, that has to count for something."

Still hiding his face the Moyashi stared into his lap, thin shoulders rising and falling in a half hearted shrug.

I frowned, my heart weighing down heavily with every undisturbed second, something was wrong, it felt like there was something he wasn't telling me.

"Allen... You know you can tell me anything right? If it's something I can help with I want to help, but I can't if you keep stuff from me."

He seemed to shuffle uncomfortably, swallowing with a nervousness, his arms crossing over his chest in selfdefense. He had a look about him like he was in pain, a look that reminded me of a time my mother had spanked me for doing something bad that I couldn't recall after all these years. The thought of him in any pain, him hiding any pain from me, made my stomach flip grossly, my mild hunger not helping the feeling.

"I..."

Relief flooded me upon hearing anything fall from his lips.

"I just... I'm cold Yuu."

"Cold?"

"...Yeah."

"Um... do you want me to turn on the heater then?"

My white hair boyfriend slumped further into himself with my suggestion, not a reply in sight.

I took it as a 'no'.

'What in the world is the matter with him?! If he's cold...'

"Damn it Moyashi!" I growled frustratedly, "Stay put."

I spat the last part like a harsh command, throwing open the driver side door and climbing out of my truck, slamming the door shut behind me. From the corner of my eye I could see him flinch from the angry noise, and I know he could hear my grumbling as I came around the passenger side. When I threw open his side of the trucks door he barely twitched, the only movement being his head lulling my way.

"Don't move." I ordered, grabbing a handle meant for helping you to climb in, the other finding exchange on the shoulder of his seat.

"K-kanda, w-what...?"

I rolled my eyes at him, a small 'che' leaving me as I awkwardly hoisted myself into his lap, effectively straddling him, being careful not to just throw all of my weight onto him.

Sliver eyes the size of plates stared at me in shock as I adjusted to the position and jerked shut the passenger door, the Moyashi neither defying nor accepting me on his lap, his arms locked stiffly to his sides.

"You said you were cold right?" I mumbled, sliding my hands between his back and the seat. Pushing aside the sides of his opened jacket I rested my lips on the crook of his scarf-less neck in a gentle peck, his cheek coming to rest on my shoulder as I held him, my breath lingering on his snow shaded skin.

I could feel him trying to make sense of the situation, the Moyashi probably more shocked than anything from seeing me act like this, but he had it coming. I could tell he needed this, he needed to be held and cherished for a few moments, just like I needed to gather him in my arms, like I craved his attention, his innocence, this aura of goodness that surrounded him on a second to second basis.

His arms eventually, slowly, came to rest on my back, his nose nuzzling into my collarbone, his tinier frame relaxing beneath me as I picked up the smallest of sighs leaving his lips.

The most interaction we've had all week was at work through eye contact, that last talk feeling like a memory from years ago, that lingering urge I'd had to press my lips to his still ghosting me even now.

It was a long comfortable silence that rose around us, a fog of content, one only waved away by the song that is the Moyashi's voice.

"I... I-I missed you."

He spoke softly, half muffled by the material of my jacket, the words accompanied by a sudden firmness in his grip.

"You say that like I wasn't thinking the same thing all week."

"W- You were?"

"Weren't you?"

Taking a moment he quietly pulled me closer into him, the awkward position making it hard to bring closer anything but our faces.

"Yeah." He whispered, the simple breathy sound causing a shakiness in my chest, I wondered if he felt like this when I asked him out. This shakiness, this weakness, this anti-adrenaline that pushed blood through a body at roller coaster speeds yet prevented you from even whispering what you wanted to say.

I know I felt it when he accepted, when the three simple words reached my ears in the music of his voice, I felt it like a thousand feet of straight downfall on a speeding amusement park coaster.

This racing heart, this... Never calmed flutter it seemed to adopt when my bean sprout was so close, it made it torture to resist popping that personal space bubble I'd placed around him. It just reminded me of how I love him, how I'd fallen so damn quickly, so harshly, years of admiring just throwing me of the edge the second I got too close to him.

... And also how much happier I was, when I could freely cherish him.

"Let me take you home."

The words dropped off my lips without asking permission, the idea entering reality before I could reword it.

"H-huh? What do you mean?"

He lifted his head, undoubtedly red in embarrassment from how that sounded.

"From now on let me drive you home from work."

"Oh!... You could have said that way differently Bakanda!"

I pulled back slowly, meeting his steely eyes, a smirk growing on my lips as I did so.

"Why? What did you think I meant? Moyashi."

His face darkened in redness from what I implied and I gazed at him smugly, daring to wink suggestively at him.

"Kanda!" He exclaimed taking back one of his arms and flicking my forehead, but it only resulted in the widening of my grin.

"What?" I said as innocently as I could, my lips betraying me.

"Kanda stop!" He said with a small smile that I could tell he was fighting.

"Stop what?"

"Stop with that look, or I'll..."

"What? You'll what?"

"I-I'll... I'll tickle you!"

Playfully I narrowed my eyes, finding it in me to scowl.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"I would! You know I would!" He laughed, smiling wildly, eyes shining mischievously.

"Do it and we'll see what- Ah! No!"

My threat was interrupted as thin fingers made quick work of my jacket zipper, his hands suddenly rubbing at my sides, looking for the spot that would make me melt, and in my defense I took back my arms.

"Allen! No! Don't!" I cried grabbing the younger's wrists in an attempt to stop him.

I hated being tickled, made me feel weak to helplessly squirm in the mercy of another, the idea of my horrible laugher filling the air powering my actions.

The Moyashi laughed wholeheartedly at my commands, my attempts to

stop him futile, his relentless attack on my sides sliding downwards to my despair.

Struggling and demanding him to stop I completely cut myself off with a loud, true, deep chested laugh when his fingers brushed my hip, just above the waistband of my jeans, against the skin revealed from under my shirt because of the struggling.

My outburst didn't faze him in the slightest, the Moyashi showing no mercy and only laughing with me in a cute fit of deep yet innocent giggles, the grin on his face as wide as when I took his buttery hand on our first date.

The sight of him so happy made withstanding the tickling so much more then worth it.

"Ah-Ah-Allen! S-s-haha-Stop! Serious-"

A sharp nasally snort cut through the air like a knife, causing the Moyashi to halt, and silencing both of us. Our eyes had gone wide, mine in fear of what he'd say about the noise that just escaped me, his holding a shine I'd never seen before.

For a second I anticipated his frown, for him not to crack a smile, a pang of hurt in the waiting.

But to my half surprise, half expectation, he threw his head back, roaring with his deep yet innocent floating laughter. The sound hit me like some kind of hypnotism, my heart lifting, smile widening until I joined him. The air in the truck filled with the sounds of my Moyashi's happy laughter mixed with my own and a random peppering of my horrid snorts.

If a simple tickle fight lead to this much enjoyment coming out of him, if something that easily started brought forth this look of raging joy to his porcelain features, then I would endure it everyday, if that's what it took.

His happiness seems to be my happiness now, his smile my own, my heart... his.

I know it was a little forward but I couldn't help the part of me that hoped one day he'd say the same.

Allen leaned heavily back in his chair, hands moving from me and onto his stomach as the laughter became a happy kind of pain in his abdomen, his eyes squeezing shut. All just as I leaned to far to one side, my leg slipping from the tiny splice of the seat it'd been resting on, and hitting the small lever that controlled the seats recline.

With a slick click the Moyashi was thrown back, the smaller male grasping the front of my shirt, catching me off guard and pulling me with him.

My hands flailed gracelessly as we nearly smashed heads, one hand saving us from colliding using the chairs shoulder, both of us staring in frozen shock before we noticed our new position.

Allen's cheeks flared with red as he realized I was now hovering over him, our faces inches apart because of the almost collision.

My heart stirred in my chest at the sight of so deep a red against such a white pale. God, he's adorable.

Shaded in cheeks, messy snow colored hair, wet metal iris's...

"Whoa..." He whispered beneath me, the warm carbon of his breath brushing my cool skin.

"Are you okay?"

He didn't reply, but instead seemed to search my eyes, biting his lower lip thoughtfully... It shot a heat through me so warm I swore I was about to break out in a sweat, our position suddenly becoming worrying.

Until he crashed his lips into mine, dispersing the inches of air that had been between us.

His soft lips molded perfectly against my own, his hands grasping the open flaps of my jacket, forcing me into the nowhere near unwelcome kiss. His eyelids had fluttered closed, the male seeming to melt as I began to push back, one arm sliding beneath his back to pull him closer.

"Kanda," he breathed into my lips, the wet smacks of our lips cutting sharply between his words "I... missed you... so much."

I chuckled against him, "I... can tell."

He hummed, his digits traveling from my jacket to the ties that kept my hair at bay, the Moyashi fumbling them off.

"You still... cold?" I mumbled, giving him a quick peck, backing off so I could see his handsome features, my hair cascading around us. He kept his arms around my neck.

"Y-yeah, a little."

I grinned, reaching over our heads and into the backseat, pulling forwards the blanket I had stashed there for emergency's.

"You've had that the whole time?" He asked while he blushed, shooting me an accusing look.

"Body heat was quicker."

I grinned as the Moyashi shook his head at my answer, sitting back on my knees to unfold the blanket before reaching a hand out to the man beneath me.

He took the offering unquestioningly, letting me help him sit up, and yelping in surprise as I scooped and arm beneath him, switching our positions.

Now we both lay across the chair and its dropped back, Allen sprawled face down on my chest as I fixed the blanket to cover us, the fair haired male making himself comfortable once what I was doing sunk in, shimmying his way up to my lips.

"You sure this is okay Kanda? I mean you've been working all day, you don't have to be my mattress now too... You can take me... home, if you want."

"Che, baka, don't say stupid things."

"Eh, Wh-what-?"

"I thought I wouldn't get to be with you until tomorrow, it was making me crazy."

"... It was?..."

I wrapped my arms around him, pecking his cheek as his face reddened for the hundredth time.

"Oh hell yes. Do you think we'd be laying like this if I didn't miss you? Didn't... have strong feelings for you?"

(Allen's pov)

My heart was stuck in my throat, staring into his cobalt iris's, his body so comfortably warm against my chest that I felt embarrassed.

Not that I had a reason to be.

His arms held me to him possessively under our blanket, his raven hair fanning out scenically, his handsomeness shining through his tired eyes, it glowing with his grins and smiles.

I couldn't reply, but then I don't think he expected to get one anyway, not by the way he's obviously shown his distain towards people in the past. If he didn't like me, didn't care for me, he wouldn't be so protective, and we would never have found ourselves in this situation.

How selfish am I? To take advantage of our feelings like this? Kanda is strong, a solid rock standing against the harsh waves of my reality, the cave I use for safety and shelter, that I litter with myself, that I long for when I'm away. He's the one thing to care for me more then anyone else, to want to be in my presence, to not see me as just another person or less.

I don't deserve him, I'm marred and broken and weak. When he realizes that the Kanda I know, the Kanda I hold in my heart, will leave me all on my own. I know that he will because everyone has found a way to do it.

The worst part is that I let myself fall in love with him two long years ago, I dug myself deeply into this heart shaped pit before I even had a digging permit, my emotions indulging themselves with the feelings he brought me without him even noticing.

I had decided to let him have the last surviving pieces of me since the days he'd still been in high school with Lavi and I, and now I spoil those shards with a happiness he'll be the last to supply. I've been indulging myself in him, without regret, and now that he's doing the same I've let myself go shamelessly.

But then I might as well, here I am anyway, finding myself in his arms. He already holds, in the palm of his hand, the yet to be incinerated fragments of my soul.

So I'll let him be my first and only. The one that took everything and got away. He's already my first love, stolen the first kiss I'd dreamt of night after fantasy shrouded night, took me out for an amazing first date. He'll be a proper first, the perfect one to invest it all in, to be my memories of love and joy and pleasure.

And in being my first he'll subsequently be my last, undoubtedly be my only.

"Is this really it Moyashi? You just missed me?"

He spoke, waking me from my thoughts, I'd drifted off into the cobalt of his iris's, most likely worrying him with a face that projected my negative thinking.

"W-what?" I stuttered to my own embarrassment.

"I'm here, Allen, for you. Tell me things so I can help."

I could feel my chest tighten, so badly I wanted to tell him about Cross, about how he wasn't forgetting me so much as getting so intoxicated that he passed out and was unable to come, about how when he does pick me up he's half drunk and I'm the one taking us home without any sort of license. How Cross is so angry inside, how he won't get help, how he takes it out on me in actions. I wanted so selfishly for Kanda to hold me and stroke my hair as he kept me someplace safe, someplace far from the drunkard that is the last of my family, to kiss me sweetly and tell me... and to tell me he loves me with that serious look on his face...

"I was just... thinking, about you driving me home... We don't always work the same shifts, you know? And you'll have school soon right? It's too big of a hassle."

"It's not a hassle Moyashi."

"Yes, it is! Look, Kanda, it's sweet of you to offer but I can't take it, please can we not fight over this? I really rather not fight you right now."

He frowned at me, furrowing his eyebrows, and I could tell he didn't like just leaving the conversation where it was, but he soon rolled his eyes, 'che'-ing anyway to signal his defeat.

"Fine, but if I just happen to show up and you need a ride, I'm not taking no for an answer."

I dropped my head, groaning into his chest, I wasn't arguing with that. I really rather be enjoying these moments.

Kanda let out a deep chuckle, one that vibrated in his chest and through my bones, sending an oddly positive sensation into my system. I couldn't help look up, my eyes catching on his lips, his soft soft lips.

My raven haired boyfriend seemed to read my mind, grinning wickedly before leaning into a kiss, his movements passionate, tender.

A half sigh, half moan seemed to pass my lips only to enter Kanda's, the sound feeding him in a way that had him pushing further into me, a hand grasping the back of my head in an effort to taste even more of me. I shivered, agreeing by sliding my arms around his neck again, my back arching to get a better kissing angle.

We held that position until my lungs burned with a need for the nearby oxygen, our lips locked together as the passion escalated until neither of us wanted to pull back, the instinct to breathe finally pushing us apart.

I painted heavily, Kanda catching his breath before me and sliding small pecks down my neck. I found myself gasping in surprise when I felt something hot and wet run across my skin, my head tilting to the side, my body pressing into his lips as he used them to practically give me a throat and collar massage.

My eyelids fluttered over the cool silver of my iris's, allowing my only focus to move towards the sweet feelings on my neck, committing the moments to mind.

When my panting had slowed to a more sensual breath he came back to meet my damp lips once again, pressing sweetly before running the same hot appendage that'd been siding over my skin across my bottom lip.

I hesitated, unsure of exactly what he meant by the action, and to my relief he merely guided us into an open mouth kiss. My lips worked to match his as he slipped his tongue past them, the muscle discovering the inside of my orifice curiously, running over everything in a way that had one part of me thanking God for giving me perfectly straight teeth, the other part thanking Cross for not knocking any of them out of my mouth yet.

Slowly a bubbling of something I could only describe as hunger floated up from the depths of my gut, and it was a riveting sensation, one I've never felt in this way, a type of hunger I'd never experienced. It sent a thrill powered shiver down my spine.

Kanda must have read my mind, or inadvertent felt the shiver, his kissing turning from sweet to delicious to absolutely devouring. It made me weak in my joints, and I melted into him effortlessly.

We were both humiliatingly hard, the knowledge silently mutual, but Kanda didn't seem to care, so I kept my personal disgrace private.

"God, Moyashi, I'm so-" he growled the words into my mouth with his hungry kisses, but when the sound of his stomach groaning in dissatisfaction cut him off I couldn't help the grin that took over, my lips escaping his hold as I pulled back to laugh whole heartedly in his strong grip.

But then the sight of a blush on his cheeks did me in, my heart skipping it's rhythm because of him, and I laughed even harder.

Yes, he'll be my first for it all.

In his comfort, his warmth, I'll be my honest self, like I was back in the storage room a week ago.

Please Kanda, please, you've already swept me off my feet.

You've got me flying on these feelings.

Let's make it a long long flight, since I already know it'll crash.

"How about we move that date up to now?" He said, trying to do so slyly with a smirk, but the red that still decorated his face ruined the look. He looked far too cute to pull of anything remotely sly.

"I'd love to." I said with a slow growing smile, pecking a reddened cheek gently, "but I still want breakfast tomorrow."

His cobalt orbs glinted with amusement, and he gave a rare, genuine smile, simply replying;

"Of course you do, Moyashi, your a black hole."

I felt his hand slip into mine.


	9. The Humid Summer Rain

(Allen)

Sitting out back the store on a dirty white crate, my back pressed against the warm bricked wall, I closed my eyes to the brightness of the sun. It hadn't taken long for my fatigue to take over with the recent... 'Family developments' I've been forcing myself to come home to... man, I am so tired.

Thankfully my emergency concealer hides the bags I've grown from tear filled and almost sleepless nights.

The early beginnings of spring showed no signs today, even this late in March the weather could still flip back to chilly on a dime, the regular spring time humid wetness pushed away by a cooling breeze. It's warm enough outside, but the wind made it too cold to exit a building without a sweater. Sadly all the snow had melted by the end of February, and the ground is now spotted with patches of green-yellow grass, the soil a constant sponge beneath our feet.

It had been a peaceful switching of the seasons, a serene time to mark the three happiest months of my life.

Kanda's been showing up whenever he can to pick me up after work, and even though it's rare to come home to a sleeping Cross, I still look forward to the drive home with the long haired male. Suspicious as he was about the first bruise I've been able to keep any other marks out of his view, I'm reluctant to walk in my front door, but our recent routine of a kiss goodbye in the truck at the end of every ride makes it worth a trip to my so called 'home'.

Bliss. That's the only way I can describe time with him, to feel his lips on my own and his rough hands on my skin, even just his presence in the air. We haven't been farther then kissing (with wandering hands), but lately I've felt... I've wanted more. But, oh god, I could never say that, I've been far too embarrassed when just having the thought while he's in the room...

I'm being too greedy anyways, I-if Kanda, if he wanted to he'd make a move wouldn't he? Plus I've been breaking his law, the rule of 'no touchy at work' hadn't lasted a week, his resistance lasted less then a few days.

We have been careful, sneaking kisses in blind spots, sharing touches that linger just long enough to not be noticed yet still be intimate.

If Kanda's father suspects anything we wouldn't know it, he hasn't said a word to Kanda, hasn't given me more then hard calculating stares. I can tell, he thinks something about me is off, he's suspicious of my actions and I'm not exactly sure why or what he's looking for. Most likely he's waiting for me to slip up, I hope it's nothing he looks into, my secrets are secrets for a reason.

With a soft sigh I let my eyelids lift, a hazy orange glow sliding up to reveal a reality tinted slightly blue, a cool breeze brushing my hair from its place and sending puffs of chilly breath inside my thin jacket.

I snuggled deeper into my light hoodie in an attempt to gather a deeper warmth, ignoring the screaming of hinges as, a few feet away, the backdoor was pushed open, a tall orange apron clad figure stepping out.

I smiled to myself, feeling a new wave of warmth hit me from just his presence.

"On break Moyashi?" He asked casually, coming to lean on the empty space of wall next to me, his ponytail gently swishing with the gusts of wind that blew by.

"Mmmm" I hummed gently in reply, my eyes keeping straight ahead until a small click, the strike of a lighter, stole my attention.

My eyes caught on the slightly blue sight of him, wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt beneath his ugly orange uniform apron, a flickering yellow flame licking the white stick of poison that rested between his lips. The male extinguished the lively spark the second it'd done its job, death scented smoke rushing into my boyfriends lungs before visibly high-tailing it from his lips and nose.

It wasn't a surprise, Kanda had been a smoker since high school, he used to have one a day but he's slowly weening himself off it.

This would be his second this month, his limit.

"That's your limit for this month BaKanda."

His cobalt iris's darted to mine, his poker face expression - which seemed to be cracking recently - barely covering the regret he felt for the addiction in his hand at the moment, but in the end he shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, turning to the open fields, taking a puff, releasing it to the wind silently.

When I pulled my sleeves over my hands and was rested against the wall once again, he flicked the ashes from his cigarette, and spoke with his naturally deep tired tone.

"How long have you been out here?"

"Not long, I have ten minutes left of my break."

"...Good."

I shook my head at his response, a small smirk taking my lips in amusement.

I recalled a time when a response like that would have boiled my blood. Now Lavi says we're the thick and thief of being thick as thieves.

Guaranteed I'm the thief, Lavi always gets so mad when I beat him at poker.

It was silent as Kanda finished his smoke, the tiny white stick shrinking with every second that ticked by, the male soon joining me by pulling up his own uncomfortable crate to perch himself on.

I really didn't enjoy seeing him smoke, watching him commit the slow act of self murder with a weapon I could easily crush beneath my shoe, I wanted the raven to live a long and happy existence even after he tosses me to the side. But then who am I to tell him what to do? It's his life, his body, I respect Kanda's choices even if their not always the best, and there's honestly no point in nagging him when he's already set the goals of quitting on his own.

Taking a long drag the stick burned away, the fire just barely reaching the dirty brown line that signified its end, Kanda pausing. I could feel his attention turn to me.

"You want a taste?" He asked casually, smoke leaking off him as he sat, watching me expectantly, the brownish stub hanging between his finger tips.

I made a sour face to his offering.

"You know I don't smoke Kanda."

Slowly he grinned, flicking the bud to the pavement, grounding it into the tar with the bottom of his shoe.

"I wasn't talking about the cigarette Moyashi."

My cheeks we're instantly inflamed, my heart thumping in my chest as it skipped a beat and I wondered where this sudden side always came from, if I just hadn't noticed how smooth talking he could be or if he was just being cocky.

"Y-you sure? What if-"

Kanda rolled his eyes, shutting me up by grabbing the back of my head and pulling me into a tobacco tainted kiss, his hand running through my hair as heat rushed into me, expelling the cold I'd been feeling moments ago.

My eyes widened dramatically, the hunger behind this kiss quickly overwhelming me, but even in surprise I could still melt beneath his lips. I leaned into him, pushing back meekly, his passion never failing to make me feel like I'm drowning.

He's been acting like this since I arrived at work, catching me off guard whenever we've been alone with unearned compliments and pecks to my lips stolen right from under my nose. This wasn't our first deep kiss today and it easily wouldn't be our last, not with this overly good mood of his.

"I made a reservation for our date tonight, the place is a little nicer then usual." He said quietly after our lips had been pride apart.

"We have a date tonight?" I mumbled, "Since when?"

"Since now."

"Kanda! What if I have plans or something tonight?"

He raised one dark eyebrow with a cocky expression "Do you?"

I frowned.

"W-well, no, but still! I could have!"

He chuckled, messing my hair even further by rubbing it like I was child.

I glared at him through my messy bangs, but with the way he was smiling I couldn't be truly angry, seeing him so... openly happy always seemed to make my emotions melt to his favor.

I rested my forehead against his shoulder, closing my eyes as they suddenly felt heavy again.

"Your punishment is being my pillow." I told him tiredly.

"_Che" _was his response.

We we're like that for the short time I had left in my break, in comfortable company, light conversation and banter fading in and out whenever one of us thought of something to say and argue about.

It was this peace that I looked forward to now, I cherished the next ten minutes, the levels of happiness that rose just from him being in the room, I couldn't help holding on to the present as it quickly became the near past. So often I've done this since that first date with him, so often I wish I could live in these moments forever, that I could bathe in these snippets of time for all my eternity.

I read in a book once that being able to hold onto a piece of existence like that no longer makes them moments, that it's empty to wish for a life entirely in one point of experience. I hated that book. I'd trade my soul if I could eternally sit out here, freezing to the bones like I am, with my forehead on Kanda's shoulder.

But sadly, no time altering powers for me.

Reluctantly I stood from my crate beside him, running my fingers through my hair in a hopeless attempt to fix it, a sleepy sigh escaping me as I headed to the back door of the building.

"See you tonight then Kanda, just text me the time your picking me up." I said in farewell as I pulled open the door, flashing him a small smile since I probably wouldn't see him for the afternoon unless I needed something from storage or he was sent to grab a thing from the front.

"Oi, hold on Moyashi."

He rose from his uncomfortable seat, striding towards me and the open door casually. He rested his arm on the steel of the door, swiftly yet gently guiding me against it, holding it open by trapping me against it.

"Don't I get a goodbye treat?"

Instantly I felt embarrassment rush through me, my cheeks innocently burning from his use of the word 'treat', the position causing a fire to spark between us. His larger frame was hanging, looming over me, cobalt eyes holding a rare spot of playfulness.

"N-no! You just had a taste, and what if someone see's? We're technically inside the building right now." I stammered and hissed, but he only leaned in closer.

"Your breaking your own rules." I reminded him and he snorted at the weak excuse, eyes leaving mine to quickly check that no one was in the attached room before locking back on me.

"It's fine, the door's in part of a blind spot, and no one's working the back but me today."

I rolled my eyes at his reasoning, my face still hot, and I hesitated a second before ultimately reaching out and taking the hand at his side. We really shouldn't, I have to get back to work, but he's too much of a temptation, even with nicotine breath.

"Fine," I grumbled, gazing down with embarrassment, "just one."

I let my silver eyes fall shut as I felt him closing in, his smoke tainted lips now such a familiar feeling against my own, yet they gave me a rush like every time was our first connection.

The kiss lasted longer then I expected, surprise bubbling through me as I felt him guide one of my hands towards his hard chest, Kanda slipping the chilly appendage beneath his shirt. I giggled when he flinched from the coolness, an 'ah' of surprise falling from his lips.

I was about to tease him for not being able to handle a little cold when the soft click of a door closing seemed to echo like a curdled scream throughout room we stood just outside of.

My heart squeezed painfully as I whipped my head around to the only other door that led into the room, Kanda's mirroring whiplash assuring me that I hadn't just imagined the terrifying noise. Who ever had opened the door obviously decided not to stay, the room remaining as empty as when Kanda last checked.

A chill rattled my insides in a pointed shock, it leaving behind a ball of negative nervous energy in my chest instead of a numbness in my fingertips, and Kanda's grip tightened on my hand.

Someone had come in, someone must have seen us.

A list of names rushed through my thoughts, all the co-workers who could have walked in. It couldn't have been Casey, she's not scheduled today... Marco and Sadie are working the Cash registers, they have no reason to come to the back, unless maybe they came looking for me? Or maybe... w-was Chidle working?

My worries became a mess in my head, my thoughts mangling in a similar tangle that I called my nerves, I felt physically paused, forced in place by worry and sudden fear.

And then like a surge of electricity, one single thought burned terror into my system, pumped it through my veins.

Had Kanda's stepfather seen us?

"Ka-Kanda?"

"Moyashi?" His voice was shaded in a quietness that seemed to make me feel even worse.

"Is your stepdad working right now?"

He seemed to hesitate, like he was soaking in my question, his response finally coming out in an almost robotic tone.

"I'm... not sure."

It was enough for me to peel my eyes from the door we had both been staring at in contest, my entire being seeming to conflict the movement, like the door would vanish if it left my field of view.

My boyfriend stood just as shell shocked as I, Kanda's face colored the pale white of fear and disbelief, and when he finally gathered enough sense to meet my silver pools, it was unbelievable the amount of emotion that toiled within them.

The last time I had seen them like this was when my face was tear streaked and bruised, standing with him in the high schools parking lot.

"...What d-do we do...?" I was able to whisper, voice shaky.

If Kanda was worried, then I was terrified. Nothing scares Kanda.

"... Allen I... I don't know."


	10. The Ouchie's

(Kanda)

When Allen asked if David was working, and I couldn't say for sure if he was, I thought I was going to be sick on the spot.

I must've looked like a ghost, I had felt every drop of blood drain from my face, my worry for Allen's safety surpassing anything I could have been feeling in that moment.

Had it been David? Had my psychotic stepfather seen us together?

If he hadn't, who did?

If he had...

For once I couldn't think, fear overwhelming my senses.

We needed a plan, to take precautions, I needed some way to protect him.

"Your... Your not sure?"

He sounded frightened, shaky, but he had every reason to be, probably more of a reason then he even realized.

I felt a steel like ball drop in my stomach.

I... I can't panic over this, everything is too uncertain for me to loose myself, that's not how I do things, I won't back down from this.

He'll make his move sooner or later if he's seen us, I just have to be there to stop him when he does.

Setting an iron resolve I pushed my inner turmoil to the side, squeezing Allen's hand to reassure myself, and to hopefully be of some comfort to him.

"We... We don't know who that was, it could have been anyone, right? So for now just steer clear of David, ask around to see if anyone had gone to the back while we were on break. For now, even though I hate to let you out of my sight, we'll just have to pretend like we don't know someone saw us."

"Just pretend? That's your solution?!" He exclaimed, worry evident in his innocent features, but in all honesty, what else could they do?

"Allen what else are we going to do?! If he was going to be irrational and lash out on you or me or both of us, he would have done it right then and there. Just... Act like you know nothing, he'll probably wait a while before doing anything if he thinks we don't know he's caught us. There's not much we can do right now Allen, especially since we're not even sure it WAS him. I don't want to make the wrong move and risk you getting hurt, so we might as well lay low, just head back to work and... try and stay in sight of other people."

Allen was silent for a few moments, seriously contemplating what I'd said before slowly nodding with agreement.

"Y-you're right, we... We don't even know if it was him."

"I'll try to find out if it was him, you just act like your normal bean self, I'll try and think of something, okay?"

His eyes trailed off to the side, a painful guilt rolling over his cute face, and I frowned at it, as it only caused my stomach to clench with worry. At this rate I really was going to hurl, from the stress it caused both myself and him.

"What's wrong?" I asked him sternly.

When it seemed like he'd never answer I squeezed his hand, asking him again what was the matter.

"I'm sorry." He eventually whispered so lowly that I barely caught his answer.

With that I felt heartache flow gently through my system, enough that I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me as I spoke in a tone that I hoped he would understand was hard because it was loving.

"Why are you apologizing? None of this is your fault, I was breaking my own rules, remember?"

"... You... You wouldn't have to worry if you weren't dating me..."

I scowled at the negative output coming from such a usually bubbly Moyashi, it didn't feel right to hear him like this, all these hidden insecurities that I've been digging up, they don't make any sense to me, he has no reason too worry so much.

I peck his delicious pink lips quickly to scare away those thoughts that he shouldn't be thinking.

"I wouldn't be happy either." I replied, letting my tone soften slightly, enough for him to notice and his silver eyes to shine a little more brightly.

"I knew the risks of dating you Allen, and I, I probably should have told you much more about them before we even started going out, I chose this even though I knew he'd find out some day, I chose you, and even if he has found out I don't regret my decision of asking you out, I could never regret the risk I took asking you because I... I..."

Allen watched me expectantly, his features still heavy yet held a crinkling of curiosity, that innocent twinkle in his metallic eyes.

But still the words refused to leave me, something stuck them in my throat, I just couldn't say them.

"...I want you to be safe, and the safest place you can be is with me."

A small smile stretched across his lips from my words, his beautiful eyes gazing up at me from underneath long lashes.

It was not wonder I couldn't say it when just these simple looks of his brought me to breathlessness.

"You should head back then Moyashi." I said slowly, backing off of him, realizing I had never moved from the position that had compromised us, "you still want to go out tonight?"

"Of course Yuu."

To my surprise he dove into my chest, hugging me tightly with a strength underwhelmed by his looks, not giving me the chance to return it before he was through the door, it slamming swiftly behind him.

When I heard the wham of a second door, I let go.

"RAH!" I growled, slamming my fist angrily into the hard metal door, pain erupting through my hand from the power behind the punch. My frustrations coursed through me as easily as sand through my veins, the self annoyance that I couldn't tell him how truly high in my heart I hold him, and the disappointment of being discovered so soon was almost physically painful.

I leaned against the door, holding my hand to my chest as it stung with pain, I could feel the slight dent in the door beneath my back. To my relief I wasn't bleeding, but already I could see the skin swelling, preparing to turn the ugly brown-purple that only added insult to injury.

Great, now I'll have to keep this from the bean somehow or it'll just give him more to worry over.

"Che." I spit painfully at myself, shaking out the pain from the throbbing appendage, grinding my teeth.

'Shit...'

'What am I going to do?'

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

(Allen)

With the softest touch I could muster I let my front door fall closed, the loud click of its mechanism causing me to flinch.

Even knowing that Uncle Cross was a heavy sleeper I never took the chance of waking him up, he wasn't a morning person, I knew this from the school mornings that he'd stumbled from his room to scream at me for being so loud.

In fact I was never quite sure if he was asleep or awake, with him five in the afternoon was just as good a time to be asleep as five in the morning, it made avoiding him nearly impossible. It does't help that the man hasn't worked a day since... Since my parents and aunt left...

The accident presented him with a large lump-some, most of it frozen under my name or in my collage fund until I'm 18, but what was leftover was enough for him to live comfortably for a few months. His grief mixed with a newly acquired taste for booze eventually got him in trouble when he didn't show up for work. As soon as the company was sure they were legally able to fire him without getting sued, they did so. Now he works as a host out of necessity; courting sketchy, rich, and lonely woman in some lower-class place on the wrong side of the city about a twenty minute drive away.

He's one of their best, so he doesn't show up often, but when he does he makes a killing for a days worth of work.

I don't understand the infatuation women have over my uncle, I'd say it's because he's a nice guy when he's sober, but I'm not entirely sure of that, I can't remember him ever being sober.

As silent as a church mouse I crept down a short hall, grateful to discover a dark and empty living room, the cushions lying on the couch undisturbed from this morning.

Peeking into the kitchen I found it in the same state, and daring to venture even further I found the door to Crosses room left wide open, no redhead in sight.

Even the bathroom was vacant, the air humid unlike the rest of the AC controlled apartment, smelling faintly of men's soap and aftershave.

The apartment showed all the signs of someone bathing and leaving.

My shoulders sagged with relief as I leaned against the bathroom doorframe, my eyes falling shut so I could enjoy a few seconds of the emptiness.

The winds outside had picked up greatly since my disastrous break with Kanda, I could hear the whistling of the strong breeze wheezing against a window somewhere in the apartment, the echoing tick of the kitchen's clock was suddenly as loud as someone speaking yet was easily randomly overcome by the whispers of the wind.

I sighed into the peacefulness, Kanda bubbling into my thoughts warmly, an image of him smoking from earlier that day making me smile the tiniest bit.

In my minds eye I could only see his shoulders and up, his expression neutral as he looked off into the fields that didn't exist to me. His hair loosely flowed down his back, disappearing with the rest of him as it passed his shoulders into a white nothing. I could see his hand and arm, where it connected and held nearby the cigarette to his lips, but not where it was attached, it elegantly floating nearby. In my mind he lifted the deadly stick to his perfect appendages, more of his arm materializing from an empty infinity, taking a long savored drag before huffing it out slowly. As the hand holding the cigarette returned to its original position at the ready for his next drag, the image seemed to reset itself, resting a few heart beats before repeating the action. The whole sequence played out over a white background, the sky that would have blared behind him nonexistent, the wide open fields he stared out into gone, these reality's missing from my world like they never mattered in the first place.

When I closed my eyes to see the image better, to picture it before me, his striking cobalt eyes turned from the empty white. They locked with mine in a way that would have caused me to blush if we'd been anywhere but inside my head. It was both surprising and not, but heart racing nonetheless, the slick side smile he grew only adding to the speed of my racing blood flow, beginning to send it to a place I hadn't paid attention to in a long while.

When I felt something hot and wet trail its way down my cheek my eyes flew open in panic, my body straightening off the doorframe, but I found I was still alone, still surrounded by an empty home's eerie silence.

I raised my hand to the quickly cooling trail to find only a salty tear's remnants, and dumb founded I stared at the water smeared over my finger tips until I felt it's friends begin their journey.

'Tears? ... Am I... Crying?'

I had scared myself with my own tears, the air undisturbed by my sudden indifference, holding its hollow lonely feel.

For a moment I wondered why I was crying, for a second I was baffled, and then I realized... it was because of him.

I suddenly wanted him next to me, so utterly and completely did I want his presence, that presence that chased away every self depicting evil inside me. I, so immediately, needed him.

The tears that leaked down my face where just as out of my control as everything else in my life, I couldn't stop them, trying was futile. My heart began to plead, aching to be with his, and as I rested my hand over it I realized this was the first time in a long time that I truly cried from my soul. The thought, the realization that I could loose him so soon, it took the last tiny shred of what I had left.

I love Kanda, with something a little more then hormone overwhelmed feelings... it was almost sickening, stomach churning, how easily he obtained my attention and heart. I felt dizzy, slowly becoming covered in my own tears, my chest tingling with pain.

Thinking I might actually be sick I slipped into the bathroom, not caring enough to close the door, leaving it wide open to the emptiness of the apartment, leaving the silence to watch me lay on the cool tiled floor. Uncaringly I let a cheek rest on the freezing compacted mineral, the faint bruises on my chest protesting the chill of the floor through my clothing, but I couldn't care less at the moment.

My time getting to know the bathroom floor seemed to last forever, my tired eyes falling shut at some point, and I drifted away between the stomach churning and tears.


	11. The Whole Ride

(Allen)

When I was awoken, it wasn't by the chill that wracked my bones, or the mild pain that ran down my arm from it falling asleep with me, but by the gentle melody of my phone.

The sound of someone flawlessly running their hand from one end of a piano and back pierced the quiet bathroom's emptiness only once, the notes amplified by not only the 'hear a pin drop' stillness of the apartment, but also by the naturally loud acoustics that seemed to embarrassingly come with every restroom.

My eye's slid open to reveal an off-white and brown array of blurry objects, my system flooding with a burst of energy as I recognized that I wasn't in my room, nor on anything as soft or warm as a bed.

Slowly I sat up, moaning in discomfort since my joints decided to join in on my arms protests, blinking tiredly to try and ward off the lingering sleep.

I was extremely confused to look around and find myself surrounded by my bathroom, my face sticky with dry tears, my break down (or bout of insanity or whatever that was) returning slowly to my memory as I pulled myself up off the floor with the help of my good friend: the toilet... Or as Cross like to call it, "the fucking shitter."

When I was fully up, my legs holding me steady, the same piano notes again shot through the air.

I frowned at my text tone, still a little groggy, tugging my phone from my pocket to see that I had missed three messages from Kanda.

It made my heart warm, helping to try and expel the chill that had settled over me. Contently I pulled up my messages.

**~( Oi, Moyashi )**

**~( I'll be there at 7, wear something extra nice, no jeans )**

**~( ...can't wait to see you... )**

I couldn't help the smile that stretched over my lips as I read the tiny text bubbles, deliriously turning on the shower as I tapped out a reply.

It was already 5 o'clock.

**( Aww! No jeans?! ... ok see you soon :3 haha )~**

**( You can come up if you want, # 214 on the second floor, Cross is gone )~**

I received his reply as I threw a few towels on the floor by the shower. A simple 'ok' and an uncharacteristic smiley face to follow, just a basic colon and bracket emoji that made my heart sigh.

I jumped into the lukewarm shower with slight excitement, leaving my phone on the counter and my clothes strewn on the floor.

As I washed I wondered what sort of place Kanda was taking me to, ignoring the nagging in the back of my mind, pushing away the thought's that questioned who had seen us earlier that day.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

(Kanda)

I was in a cold sweat, standing outside of the army green door of Allen's apartment, the worn golden colored numbers staring back at me mockingly.

I'd been overjoyed to read my Moyashi's reply, fidgeting the whole ride here, my heart racing as I approached the door.

This has to be the first time I've been to Allen's house since his Uncle won't let him have people over, and I wondered curiously what kind of place he lived in, what his room looked like (though I doubt I'll make it past the doorway), how neatly he kept it. It made me innards tremble, excitement brewing inside me that I hid behind my usual mask.

I stood at the door awkwardly for a solid minute before knocking, probably looking ridiculous in my deep red dress shirt and black slacks, my hair brushed into a ponytail and held tight with a thick black silken ribbon.

"Coming!" I heard through the door, the sound muffled and far away.

For another few moments that felt stupidly long, I stood outside his door, my hands curling and uncurling into nervous fists at my sides. I almost didn't hear the door opening, the rushing of blood through my veins drowned out the soft thumps of his steps as he approached the other side of the door, the loud click of the lock filling me with relief.

It swung open much more quickly then I expected, revealing my Moyashi's bright smiling face in an instant, his perfect teeth practically blinding.

I couldn't move as I took him in, frozen by the sight of his snowy hair, swept to the side so handsomely, his white dress shirt tucked neatly beneath a raven blue vest that hugged his torso, his matching dress pants fitting him just perfectly.

I was speechless, it was like I had died and gone to heaven, because this sight was surely one I could see for all eternity.

"H-Hi Kanda," he said merrily, cheeks reddening with the cutest blush as I felt his gorgeous grey eyes sweep over me.

I almost forgot that vital information that had taken a weight off my shoulders earlier that day.

Immediately I took him into my arms, hugging my Moyashi closely to my chest, the younger letting out a small 'umph' of surprise.

"K-Kanda? W-What-?"

"It was John Chidle." I said quietly.

He stiffened under my grasp.

"... What?"

"David wasn't even at work today, John was on his way to grab some two by four's for a customer, when I asked him about it the man turned redder than a tomato."

Stiff for the longest time all I could do was hold my Moyashi, nervousness filling me until I felt his hands slowly slide up my back, the male burying his face into my shoulder. I held him in the hallway outside his apartment, before the open door, his grip tight on the back of my shirt.

And all I could feel was happy.

We bathed in the relieved silence until I felt something damp leaking through my shirt, and upon lifting his handsome face by his chin I discovered a swollen and teary eyed Moyashi, looking cuter then ever.

Even crying he's far prettier then anything I'd ever seen, it made me want to take him here and now, right in the hall.

But then again, I want to be the only one to have seen him like that, a moaning withering mess.

I tried to push those thoughts away, getting a half chub just from my own inappropriate thoughts, and my face grew hotter then I've ever felt it.

_'Damn it, now is not the time for this...'_

I groaned internally, the Moyashi studying me with soaked smiling eyes, a grin sweeping over his lips effortlessly. It made my heart flutter, he made my heart flutter, and looking off down the hallway I scoffed at myself.

"Che."

I could hear my Moyashi give a cute chuckle, and upon looking back he rose onto the tips of his toes to place a chaste kiss on my lips.

And then he just stood there. Smiling at me. That big, heartwarming, signature grin of his.

If he only know what he did to me.

"Sorry for getting your shirt wet," he apologized, wiping his eyes with his sleeves, "I... I was just really happy."

I shrugged, barely glancing at the wet spot on my shoulder, taking his hand instead.

"It's fine, it'll dry, you uh... You look really... Really handsome."

His blush was almost immediate.

"Oh, ah, thanks Kanda, y-y-you too."

"Thanks... You ready to go?"

"Yeah! Yeah, uh, just um, just let me grab my keys."

I gave him a small smile, watching as he most charmingly stepped back, blushing shyly and smiling as he returned to his apartment momentarily.

I couldn't help the small sigh he pulled from me.

He was so damn cute.

And he stayed that way the whole ride.

* * *

AHHHHHHH SORRY ABOUT NOT UPDATING... I know this is a little short but it's a piece of a larger chapter, I'll have the rest up really soon! Pinky promise!


	12. The Ninth Cloud

**Sorry if there are mistakes I was up late editing this, I hope you guys like, it's a little fluffy...**

...

(Allen)

The drive was long, a grueling hour of comfortable nagging, of anticipating our arrival.

Kanda refused to tell me where we were going.

"Oh come on Yuu, please!" I begged, giving my boyfriend the biggest puppy dog eyes I could muster.

"Moyashi, I already told you, you will see when we get there."

I huffed, slouching back in my chair, pouting with my arms crossed as I watched the road disappear beneath us.

He chuckled at me, and I held my pout strongly as we fell into silence, our embrace outside my apartment returning to my thoughts. I had been so relieved, so much so that I began crying out of happiness, the weight of getting caught having been lifted off my shoulders had made me feel sane again.

Just his presence made me feel... normal, like I hadn't had an episode out of a cheap hospital drama in the bathroom, and while I love the way he makes me feel... My little breakdown worried me.

If that's how I react, to getting caught with him, to the idea that his crazy father will rip us apart...

What will happen when he finds out about the bruising? About uncle Cross?... When he leaves me?

He's supposed to be the happiness I'll carry with me, the thing I look back on to remind myself that at one time I had been purely loved, truly joy filled. He was supposed to be the only regret I will never have, the one good thing in my life. Getting caught wasn't supposed to send me spiraling like that, it can't make me lose it! Losing that last piece to him can't shred my sanity like a block of cheese on a grader, it- he- that can't happen, it can't!

He was supposed to be the thing to help me hold myself together, not the final cut that tears me apart.

"Moyashi? Oi! We're here baka!"

I blinked, coming out of my thoughts with a frown.

"You okay bean?"

I nodded, giving him a light smile, dispelling my worries for now, it was something I could figure out later.

He looked unconvinced by my nod, but before I could open my mouth a flash of light caught my eye, and instead of speaking my jaw just simply fell off.

Before us was a tall steel structure, almost a pillar that rose so high the place where the windshield met the roof of the truck blocked my view of its top. It shined with every light that hit it, the plain yellowish lights running up and across the building in specific patterns making it look like an elegant wonder you'd only see on the television. When I gave up on trying to see the top from inside the vehicle I noticed that the front entrance was guarded by one strong looking man in a tuxedo and a petite blonde woman, the man's face unexpressive, calculating, but the woman warmly smiled at the people who approached directing small groups where they needed to be, a clipboard held protectively against her breast.

I watched in wonder as the thick pillar opened up, a group of well dressed women stepping out, carelessly striding away in a fit of laughter like one of them just told the most prestigious of jokes.

The blonde woman with the clipboard paid them no mind, merely glancing down, scanning her list for the name of the group that had just approached. When she found it she smiled brightly again, ushering the small fancy dress party into the small room that had opened up.

Above the closing doors a gold and silver sign flashed the name of the place blindingly.

'Cloud 9' it read.

I was honestly speechless.

"You are not okay Moyashi, what's wrong?"

I turned to him with wide eyes, then back to the glorious building, and then to him again.

"Kanda..." I finally mumbled, "Kanda, what is this place? It's... it's..."

He grinned at my lack of describing words, giving me the quick command to stay before getting out of the car, coming around the passenger side. He opened the door for me, and in an embarrassed scramble I released myself from the seatbelt, Kanda laughing at my struggle with the damned plug.

I followed behind Kanda with a slightly red face as we approached the blonde lady, her smile greeting us, her eyes judging us, most likely from our age and low status.

"We have a reservation." Kanda told her in his naturally sexy stern voice.

Her smile dimmed.

"Name?"

"Walker."

I glanced at Kanda a little confused, why had he used my name for the reservation instead of his own? I know he hates it when people call him Yuu, but he just as easily could have used 'Kanda'...

When he noticed my confusion he smirked my way, sliding and arm around my waist. Instantly my face heated so much I thought it'd burst into flames.

The woman frowned as she ran through the list, her trim and pretty eyebrows rising as she spotted my last name, her original brightness returning.

She seemed to study us one more time before speaking, her eyes obviously catching notice of Kanda's protective arm around me.

"Well, Welcome Mister and Mister Walker, please stand to the left of the doors, and watch your step entering Cloud 9."

My eyes widened as she spoke, Kanda tugging me to where she'd directed us by my waist, not bothering to correct her.

"Oi Moyashi, what's wrong, you look like a tomato."

"She-She... That woman called you- called _us_ 'Mr. Walker'."

For a moment he merely stared at me, face and eyes expressionless in a way that made my heart race, not a thought of his detectable.

But then he gave me that sly smirk, suddenly becoming the most attractive being on the planet as he simply said, "that was the name on the reservation, wasn't it?"

My eyes widened, everything but Kanda falling away as I was immediately engrossed by my thoughts.

_'Why was he so uncaring? Does that mean he wouldn't mind having my last name? Why did he put my name on it in the first place?'_

And then I had a wonderful yet heart wrenching thought, one that I knew must have come from being too happy and confused, from having my heart be twisted like it was.

_'What if Kanda never left? What if he stayed mine? Made a future with me...?'_

_'Impossible... god what am I even thinking about? We've only been dating three months... '_

"Moyashi? You coming or what?"

I blinked back into reality, the happiness of my thoughts and the sadness of them being just that, just thoughts, lingered as I realized Kanda was pulling me towards the now open and waiting elevator. His eyes gazed down on me curiously, the taller male probably wondering where I had gone.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered walking with Kanda into the lift instead of letting him guide me, "I'm coming, sorry."

"_Che_."

The ride up was short, the building looking taller than it was, but the view of the city it provided was nice. The elevator allowed its passengers a full sight of the city, revealing more and more as it rose.

I had to hold myself back from pressing my face up against the glass, it was so beautiful, I wanted to be as close to it as possible.

We reached the top with a soft 'ding' and stepping out was like entering a high class resort. A host stood behind a long solid table, a large floor to ceiling rack of wine creating a wall behind him, blocking the our view of almost the entire dining room.

"Welcome, sirs, to Cloud Nine!" He greeted us with a twinge of excitement that made Kanda frown with annoyance.

"Name?"

"Walker." Kanda said again, my last name rolling off his tongue like he'd been introducing himself as such all his life. I almost shivered.

The man held a clipboard similar to the woman's out front, and glancing at it he grinned.

"Yes, perfect," he said as he magically gathered two menus from behind the table, "follow me to your table."

He passed through the dining room entrance to our left, Kanda following after him first, I followed along with my mouth dragging across the floor.

Stepping out into the dining room the first thing that struck me were the clear, clean, glass walls that revealed miles of the city in every direction. It was a three-sixty degree sight, impossible to see from the elevator, and twice as stunning. The ceiling was pitch black and covered in shiny sparkles of all different colors, sizes, and groupings, reflecting beautifully off the lights, making for an elegant decor by day and a perfect mimic of the night sky for the evening.

It was so amazing that I was completely engrossed, I didn't even notice when we'd reached our table, gently bumping against Kanda's back when he stopped.

When he chuckled at me I frowned, but then he grabbed the back of a chair and gestured for me to sit.

To my embarrassment I sat, I could feel the waiter eyeing us as Kanda took his seat across from me, the chair feeling far more comfortable than it looked.

"Your server will be with you shortly, is there anything I can get you to drink?" The host asked as he passed us the fake leather bound menus.

We both just got some water, my eyes traveling to the orangey glow coming from the wall closest to us, a gorgeous view of the sun setting greeting me as warmly as the host had.

The semi-circle that was left of the sun shone brightly over the cities horizon with a soft glow you could only ever experience when watching a sunset. The fiery ball itself had calmed into a dense flame of orange that coated the sky around it, burning away the natural blue, its orangey color hanging from the backs of the clouds like they themselves had caught fire and were turning to black ash along with the sky as night fell over us.

"So what do you think?"

Kanda's deep baritone frightened me slightly, my body nervously whipping to give him my full attention. I had almost forgotten he was here with me, too engrossed in the sight.

"H-huh?" I sputtered like a true dunce.

"What do you think about the restaurant Moyashi?"

I blinked slowly, taking a moment to look around at the restaurant's interior, noticing how much of a contrast the black candle on each table was with the white table cloths, and how everyone at a table looked distinguished in some way. Dolled up women wearing flattering dresses were everywhere, weighing themselves down with heavy jewelry as men in suits pushed in their chairs or listened politely while cutting their expensive steaks.

It was so fancy, so expensive looking, and for the first time I noticed just how out of place we were.

My hair feels like it's a mess, my shirt is a little wrinkled, my shoes aren't as polished as they used to be...

"Moyashi?" Kanda called to me lowly, the tiniest bit of concern leaking through.

"I-it's beautiful!" I assured him hurriedly, probably a little louder then I should have, "the-the view is amazing Kanda."

He frowned, raising an eyebrow at my reaction, sitting back with his arms crossed. He obviously was skeptical, and I internally smacked myself.

'_How on earth does this man like me?'_

"Really Kanda, I'm just a little... nervous."

When he didn't react I worried that he might not believe me, but after studying me a moment, he grinned at the confession.

"Cause we're on a date?"

My cheeks flushed pink the moment the word 'date' fell from his lips, we'd been on enough of them that I'd gotten used to the idea, but hearing him say it all smug like that caused my heart to jump.

"W-well, that and... This place is so, so elegant Kanda, so... expensive. Don't you think we're a little out of place in here? And how in the world can you afford this?"

"It's not that expensive Baka, see?"

Kanda picked up my menu, flipping it open and shoving into my grasp, revealing an array of not too unreasonably priced pasta dishes.

"Plus a friend of mine that works in the kitchen owes me a favor."

"Oh." I mumbled shyly, gazing over the food, most of which I didn't bother trying to pronounce, even in my head.

As I flipped the page I could feel that Kanda's gaze hadn't moved on. I scanned the descriptions of a few fish dishes, ignoring his eyes, but after a few soul crushing minutes I had to look up.

The relaxation on his face practically sent me into a panic.

He stared at me with this look, one I had only ever seen when we were alone in his truck, like he was melting at the sight of me. He was so relaxed, with the smallest smile, the slightest upturn in the corners of his lips.

It made him look so handsome, especially in a dress shirt, with his hair in that silk ribbon...

"_Kanda, what are..."_

_"Shh." Kanda quieted me as he pulled the ribbon from his hair, shaking it loose in a way that had my hands gripping the arms of the chair harshly._

_I was silent as he wrapped it over my eyes, tying it tight so I couldn't see, his hands flowing down my arms to keep them at my sides._

_When he kissed my lips I could feel the burning of my ears as they turned red, my brain entirely throwing out the logic behind how our table had disappeared and how we were suddenly alone in a restaurant that was busy only seconds before, instead becoming completely engrossed in the feeling of his lips._

_"Kanda..." I mumbled into the kiss, wishing that I could lift my arms and wrap them around his neck, run my fingers through hair silkier than the ribbon over my eyes._

_"Moyashi." He breathed back teasingly, blowing the words across my chin before nibbling his way down my neck, the faint heat of his strong frame hovering above mine sending my blood rocketing through me._

_"I love you, you know."_

_I shivered, feeling my eyes wet the blindfold as he attacked my neck. I so badly wanted to see his face, my hands shook beneath his, and to my own surprise I spoke without my own permission._

_"I love you too, Yuu."_

"...-ame's Katelynn and I'll be your server today. Today's special is our halibut, dressed with mango salsa. Soup of the day is the chef's specialty spiced pumpkin sweet."

In a flash I was back, the table was once again between us, and the chatter of people around us returned to the air.

Staring cobalt eyes greeted me back to reality and I hesitated, caught in their beauty for a few brief seconds, long enough to realize we'd been gazing at each other the whole time.

"U-uhm," I glanced at our waitress, the woman smiling brightly in her black cocktail uniform, her pen at the ready.

"Allen, cheese or spinach?" Kanda interrupted my confusion, staring me down, eyes more curious than intense.

"Wha-? Uh, cheese, I guess?"

With my confused answer a grin spread over his devious lips, and finally breaking his gaze he closed his menu.

"We'll have the three cheese dip to start, I want the garlic steak with a bottle of merlo, two glasses, and he'll have the chicken stir-fry," he reached out towards me as I listened to him in a daze, hurriedly handing him my menu when I realized it was what he wanted, "with the Mac and cheese side, and an order of dango for dessert."

As he finished he held the menus out to the furiously writing waitress. She finished, popping her pen on the edge of her notepad with a warm fake smile, repeating the order back just as fluently as Kanda had.

When Kanda nodded in approval, she asked to see his ID, humming in approval at the card before informing us she would be back with Kanda's wine and our appetizer, bouncing away.

Stupidly, I blinked, letting what just happened sink in.

"I hope it's okay I got you the stir-fry, you said on the way here you were craving it and I heard it's good here."

I let my eyes fall over him once again, perplexed.

"Y-yeah, it's fine," I stammered as I gathered my bearings, "how... how did you know I liked dango?"

"Che, you are kidding right? I've seen the way you look at that stuff, I remember the first time I gave you a skewer your eyes practically popped out of your head, and then every time after that you'd make the cutest faces whenever I gave it to you."

"Re-really?"

Oh god, I could just feel the heat rushing up my neck and over my ears. How embarrassing that he noticed... but also how sweet of him.

"Actually, I'm surprised you never figured out why I brought it to school."

"I just- well I- I never really thought about it, you actually don't like sweets, right?" I asked nervously, rubbing my wrist under the table.

"Yeah... But you do, I just-..."

Kanda's eyes trailed with his words, gazing fondly out the window, eyes shining against the gorgeous view. I wanted him to finish, I wanted to know what he wanted to say, because it really sounded like another 'I like you.'

My heart pounded at the thought, even though we're dating, even though I've heard them fall from his lips quite a few times now, they still reared my body into a whole other gear.

"Your wine and appetizer, sir," our waitress but-in, placing two glasses in front of Kanda and pouring them elegantly before setting down our appetizer.

We thanked her in tandem, and she bounced off again,

Hungrily I used the pita provided to take a huge scoop of cheese dip, my eyes widening as the deliciously creamy gooey cheese met my tongue.

"Mmmm~!" I moaned, reveling in the taste, "This is so good!"

Kanda chuckled, taking his own bite of the dip, picking up one of the glasses of wine.

"You're right... It's good."

I grinned at the agreement, and went to pick up my water when I noticed the second glass of wine, pausing mid reach.

"Uh-um why did you get two glasses?"

"Oh here," he replied, moving an elegant glass of red liquid closer to me, "you don't have to drink it if you don't want to."

Carefully I accepted the glass, examining the intricate white line designs that were engraved on it, the lines easily visible against the dark liquid.

I frowned at the color, sniffing it quickly before frowning some more. I feel like we should toast or something, like the couples in the movies.

"Can we, like, toast or something?" I asked, looking hesitantly between the glass and my boyfriend.

"Uh, yeah, sure." Kanda said blinking, picking up his glass and giving me a smirk.

"To, um... To us." I said awkwardly as we clinked our glasses together delicately, a light blush coming over my cheeks with embarrassment, internally kicking myself for not thinking of something more original to say.

We both carefully lifted the liquid to our lips, the sour taste of the wine causing me to scrunch up my nose, and shaking my head quickly I put the glass down and reached for my water.

_'How the hell does Cross drink this stuff? It's so bitter...'_

I glance back at Kanda, picking up a piece of bread with dip to wash the taste of wine from my mouth when I froze, catching sight of a color I knew all too well, one I never thought I'd see on the elder male.

"Kanda?" I called, hand still frozen halfway through bringing the bread to my lips, "are those... bruises? On your hand?"

The raven haired male paused, not moving for the longest time before slowly glancing down at his hand, taking in the discoloration.

"Uh, yeah, it's fine Moyashi, it's just a bruise."

"What! But how'd you get bruised? Are you sure it's alright?"

Quickly I reached forwards to grab the man's hand, but Kanda was faster than I me and withdrew them before I could take a good look, hiding them in his lap.

"Che. I said it's okay, it doesn't hurt or anything."

I gave him a stern look, one that made it obvious I didn't believe him, and even though it was meant to be serious he still smirked at me slyly.

"Yuu Kanda," I grit out seriously, arms slowly crossing over my chest, the other flinching at the sound of his first name as it fell past my lips, "let me see your hand."

"Moyashi..."

"Kanda."

"... _Che_," the elder huffed after a short yet intense staring match.

Rolling his eyes Kanda put his bruised hand back on the table, and I carefully took it in my own, examining the marks on his strong rough hand. Each of Kanda's knuckles were slightly swollen and discolored, the skin a purple fading into brown. I actually felt a slight pang of sadness, seeing such a familiar and ugly mark on someone so undeserving... well, most of the time.

"Ah, no... What happened Kanda? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Moyashi it's fine, I was just a little pissed at work and didn't think, I'm okay."

"Kanda... Have you at least put any of that cream on it yet?"

He averted his eyes, frowning at the window as he answered with a mumble.

"No... forgot."

"How could you forget?"

The raven haired man shrugged, still staring out the window in order to avoid my gaze.

"Well, you better put some on when you get home. I'll go home with you and put it on you myself if I have to."

Kanda turned back to me, cobalt eyes wide with surprise, a small heated blush spreading over his face cutely.

At the sight I let him have his hand back, a slow smirk developing on my lips as I took in how rarely cute the dark haired man could be at times.

And then suddenly Kanda stood up, attracting a few quick glances from the nearby tables before he was promptly dismissed, his face turned towards the floor. I frowned in confusion, scrunching my brows with gentle worry, my stomach tightening with concern.

"Kanda? What's wro-?"

I was promptly cut off by a soft pair of warm lips, Kanda cupping my face with a delicate yet strong touch, the awkward position of bending right over the table causing him to tug me forward onto the edge of my seat.

My silver platter eyes grew huge with surprise, my heart racing in my chest as the moment registered, and it wasn't long before I pushed back into it a little.

When Kanda pulled back I felt a little lightheaded, my cheeks warm in slight arouse and shyness, the blush on Kanda's own cheek's showing he felt no different.

"Wha-what was that for?" I asked breathlessly, watching my boyfriend with confusion.

Again Kanda shrugged.

"Couldn't help it any longer."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes, smiling softly, laughing lightly at his reply.

I laughed even harder when I noticed the spot of cheese dip stuck to his tie, pointing it out behind a fit of giggles that only got worse when Kanda cursed and mumbled something about a stain.

I honestly couldn't stop my laughter, even when Kanda excused himself to the bathroom, and I had barely calmed myself by the time he returned, only to break out in a another fit from the memory and the sight of his damp tie.

The rest of our date continued on like any other, the two of us enjoying each other's company, talking about really nothing at all but having fun conversations none the less.

The waitress brought us our food later, Kanda and I tasting pieces of each other's dishes, I shamelessly stealing more than Kanda was. When the dark haired man aimed to get a larger bite he dove for my macaroni and cheese, which he (to my great amusement) dropped down his shirt, and I laughed at him again only to do the exact same thing with a fork full of Kanda's mashed potato's.

By my insistence Kanda half forced down a few bites of dango, arguing with every bite, saying "I ordered it for you," and, "you know I don't like sweets." Although in exchange I had to finish my glass of wine, and I could tell Kanda was brazenly enjoying the sour faces I made with each sip.

When the check came I demanded he let me pay at least half, and eventually was the one who left the tip, Kanda winning the argument by pointing out that he was paying with debt and it would be a hassle to split it.

After our meal, we climbed into Kanda's truck, the older male taking us back to town.

/

"I'm paying you back for that Kanda," I said seriously as he turned down my street, "that was really nice... and expensive."

The raven haired male rolled his eyes at me with an exclamation of his his signature 'che'.

"Your steak alone was almost thirty dollars! Plus you have tuition to think about!"

"I have a scholarship Moyashi."

"That doesn't cover everything."

Kanda merely chuckled, sounding strongly satisfied.

Slowly we pulled up to the curb in front of my apartment, the streets quiet and eerily glowing from the light of the street lamps, a silence falling over us as Kanda turned the key in the ignition, shutting down the car.

"W-Well," I said hesitantly into the darkness. I really didn't want to part with him yet, I didn't want to go home, not just because I'm afraid Cross might be up and drunk, but I didn't want to end this night like every other night. I wanted something more than our usual quick kiss before forcing myself into my apartment.

"... I'm home... I guess."

Kanda rubbed at the back of his neck. "Yeah..." He replied, glancing at the radio clock, a few minutes past ten glaring sharply through the soft cover of night.

"Oi, it's ah... It's still pretty early, you want to come over? We could watch a movie... or something..."

In the darkness I turned towards Kanda, and I could hear the man also shifting to glance my way even though couldn't clearly see the other under the cover of the evening.

"That... sounds great." I replied, relief flooding me, glad that not only was the date continuing but I didn't have to go home yet.

Slowly Kanda turned the truck back on, pulling away from the curve, heading towards his own apartment.

"Your uncle's okay with you being out late, right?"

I nodded casually, hiding my slight worry by pulling out my phone, starting a message to Cross.

"Yeah, he's okay with it." I replied as I typed, sending my Uncle a quick message informing him that I might not come home tonight.

"Oh, and you are making some more of that cream stuff for your hand, that comes before anything."

"So you were serious then?"

"About what?"

"About going home with me to put that cream on me yourself?" Kanda recalled with a smirk.

"Of course, I have to make sure your take care of yourself, you are a student living on your own. If someone doesn't check on you every once and a while you'll starve to death under a pile of books."

The older male shook his head.

"You make me sound five."

Shaking my head I giggled, pushing my armrest out of the way, leaning my head on Kanda's shoulder, watching the familiar streets pass beneath us as we travelled towards his home.

"That's cause you are five."


	13. The Gentle Hands Of Love

(Kanda)

When we pulled into the parking lot of my apartment, my hands where sweating, my bruise gently throbbing from the speed at which my heart was racing.

Allen was still resting comfortably on my shoulder, giggling happily about something stupid Lavi had done at school during the week, his left hand covering the top of my right, something he'd accomplished after I'd taken it off the steering wheel for a moment.

He was close, really close, not that I didn't enjoy it, but... it wasn't so often that the Moyashi was the one who initiated the touches or kisses. Usually I was the one who couldn't keep my hands to myself, he was just too damn cute to keep away from, and he has these moments where he reminds me that he's absolutely innocent... how I didn't molest him in high school is a wonder to me.

"We're here baka." I grunted over his laughter, doing my best to hide any amusement or excitement, because really, I was having an internal panic.

It also didn't help that all night he'd been just sitting, chatting, being himself, the littlest of his movements causing the pervert centers in my brain to fire off rapidly.

Even I would slap myself for some of the stuff that had bubbled up during our date.

With the widest if his smiles Allen accompanied me from the car to my apartment, my nervousness churning behind a smirk that was more genuine then I would ever admit, and I really hoped he wouldn't notice that it seemed to take me forever to open to front door.

Bringing him to my apartment awake was a million times worse then before, when he was asleep and covered in tears. His shining silvers glided over my living room, not that they hadn't before, Lavi had forced his way into my house many times, usually with Allen in his grip, but... then had been then, and Allen hadn't been dating me, we had nothing past a stubborn argument of a friendship at the time. Now... we're on a date, alone, in my house.

I just really want to hold him, but I'm a fucking idiot and I don't know what I'm doing around him or even what he expects of me.

"If I remember correctly from the last time Lavi and I were here, your movies are..."

He approached my boxy television stand, pulling open a small wooden door before dropping to his knees, and I, watching him quietly, pulled my hair from its ponytail.

"Ha! Here they are, you care what movie?" He called crawling his top half into the depths of the cabinet.

"Uh... Whatever's fine..." I mumbled, stuck where I stood like the soles of my feet where made of tar, my brain absently allowing me to stare.

Allen was still wearing his slacks, and Kami did they fit him well, the fabric taunt against his perfectly plump little ass, the most embarrassing urge to bite the insides of those strong thighs while kneading that cute butt overcoming me.

Suddenly the room was a hundred degrees.

I need to get out of here.

"Uh, I'm going to chop up some stuff for my, my uh, cream stuff." I said lamely, ripping my eyes from my boyfriend and hightailing it to the kitchen, a soft, ignorant "okay" from Allen floating in after me.

I did my best to concentrate on the ingredients I would need to make the paste, pulling them out one by one, mentally checking off whether or not I had enough, thoroughly washing my hands of the days bacteria.

But that didn't stop every other thought from drifting towards the Moyashi.

Pulling out the cutting board my mind wandered over hour old memories of how his snow white hair had been tinted the same shade as the sunset when the light had hit him, and readying a knife over a comfrey leaf I reminisced over how nervous he had been until our food arrived. I chuckled to myself because, really, when in the past had food not been the answer to the Moyashi? Lavi told me once that it's the reason he keeps his locker stuffed with sweets. I remember scoffing at him, the Usagi arguing, acting offended when I said something back about it being more of a lame excuse to have a candy store in his locker.

I grinned at the image in my mind, recalling that the Moyashi had been surprised to find the Usagi pouting while I casually grinned next to the redhead.

When he asked who's murder I was planning and why I wasn't letting Lavi help, the redhead burst into a laughter so intense he ended up a mess on the floor, threatening to relieve his bowls where he rolled.

I had dragged the Moyashi to the schools cafeteria in a hurry that day, leaving the rolling Rabbit on the ground alone.

I don't know if Allen had noticed, but he'd made me frown a little less that day.

"Ah!" I exclaimed with a breathless surprise, not expecting the sharp pain that rushed from the edge of my finger like a shock.

I dropped the knife on the board, stepping back and shaking my hand out like it would expel the pain before examining it closely, a tiny drop of blood beading from the small cut I just gave myself.

Really it wasn't anything major, hardly even worth throwing a band-aid on, but before I could even think to rinse it a pair of careful hands where taking my own. It was out of nowhere that Allen mysteriously emerged from, his silver shaded iris's examining the tiny cut carefully, shining with that cute wet worry he always seemed to have. It was unsolicited, he really didn't need to worry so much about everything, but there it always was.

"Moyashi it's fine." I assured him with a grumble, moving to pull my bruised and now cut hand away, but to my surprise he held onto it tightly. "It's not even worth a band-aid."

Silver eyes flickered from me to my hand nervously, and I could practically see the gears in his head turning, an idea rolling around in that little head of his. He took in a small steadying breath, causing me to frown, wondering what on earth he could be thinking, the slightest hint of worry sliding into my thoughts.

But really none of it mattered, it was all dispersed as genuine shock overwhelmed me, my eyes widening into cobalt blue plates as I watched something I hadn't even thought to dream up.

Opening his mouth widely the Moyashi didn't hesitate to slowly take my barely injured digit into his warm cavity, letting it rest on his warm tongue as his lips encircled the base of my appendage, the male minding the bruising that swelled my knuckles.

"Moy... Moyashi?" I stammered in aroused confusion, feeling my blood rush to the one place I had been begging it not to go all night. I had been trying to keep myself on the straight and narrow for tonight -in a matter of speaking- since I knew the white haired male was inexperienced, it's why I haven't made a move passed passionate kisses. The Moyashi had always seemed happy to let me make most of the moves on him, I never thought he'd do something like this... there had never been any indication of something like this!

Where did he even learn this? No one had ever done this before, and I certainly hadn't done it.

The Moyashi had to make a move tonight of all nights, the one time I'm feeling a little more 'sensitive' to his presence than usual.

A shiver ran up my arm as he pulled, with an agonizing slowness, my finger out from between his warm soft lips. His tongue caressed the underside of the digit, the sprout letting his front teeth drag gently across the top, strongly sucking me back into his mouth before my finger could fully escape.

I stood stock still, shamelessly enjoying one hundred percent of the sudden treatment, my heart picking up the pace as the Moyashi's appearance began to dishevel. His eyes turned hooded, his cheeks a darkly embarrassed red that was gradually making its way to his ears, the pressure around my finger increasing as he gave it a few hard sucks, undoubtedly tasting the mixture of soap remnants and leaf water that probably lingered on my hand, before letting the soaked digit free so he could run his tongue across it from base to tip.

My finger was steadily becoming coated in saliva as he licked up and down my appendage, the Moyashi making sure to savor every inch of skin, his own spit coating his lips. When his eyes turned up to me again he looked so innocent... yet so sexy. His dress clothes helping the good boy look he was upholding, but his current... actions... told me otherwise...

I swallowed stiffly, feeling another, lower, part of me become increasingly close to joining my rigid stature. I wondered where the hell he saw this, and why I was reacting to it so eagerly, why this eighteen year old bean sprout could turn me on more just doing this than anyone had before.

The idea of how his tongue would feel if it was slicking up a different part of my body stole a needy groan from my throat, the noise seeming to encourage him as he began to add a wet slurping to every harsh suck on my hand, the sound making me crazy almost immediately.

"Moyashi," I whispered deeply, my tone dropping off a cliff from the lust building inside me.

With an audible pop, the Moyashi pulled my coated digit out of his mouth, letting me go before taking a step back, dipping his head down with disgrace, evidently taking my tone in the completely opposite way than I meant it.

"Sorry," he mumbled hurriedly, hiding behind strands of bleach white hair, looking like he wanted to punch himself and be anywhere but in my sight.

"Don't be."

His head jumped back up in surprise, probably from how serious I sounded, or maybe from how deep and breathy my voice had gotten. I didn't care which it was, just as long as he stayed.

"Where... where did that come from Moyashi?"

He pursed his lips, shrugging like it was a proper answer, timidly wiping from his lips the proof of his actions using the back of his pale hand.

I sighed in multiple types of frustration, raising my hand with every intention to run it through my loose dark locks, only to pause with it mid-air, remembering that the appendage was still a little more than damp with the Moyashi's spit.

"I uh... I seen it in a movie once?" He said, sounding more like he was asking if that was the right response.

I rolled my eyes, untucking my shirt before using the end to slowly wipe off my hand, mumbling under my breath.

"What am I going to do with you?"

He didn't respond, he merely stood there, eyes following me with a confusion that made me chuckle.

He was so worried and nervous, his hands clenched at his sides like he was expecting something painful. What did he think would happen? That I'd hate it? That I'd hate him?

Knowing the idiot I'd say he's scared of exactly that right now.

Idiot.

"Come here," I ordered the younger, reaching out to him, watching him with a solid gaze as he hesitated and then refused me without a word. In annoyance I grabbed him by his good arm, jerking him against me, catching him by sliding an arm around his waist, "baka."

Gently I held him against me, our bodies bumping chest to chest, hip to hip as he caught his footing.

And when he least expected it, I forced his smaller frame against the nearest counter with a thud, the height of the table just perfect for digging my fresh erection into him, the obvious bulge made certain by how uncomfortably -yet so fucking deliciously- it pressed against the Moyashi's hips.

I shoved my now dry hand into his soft downy locks, letting my hot breath tickle the skin on his neck before I spoke seductively into his ear, channeling the past few month's of frustration along with years of fantasizing that revolved around my adorable boyfriend.

"And you where worried I didn't like that little stunt huh?"

Without looking I could tell his eyes had blown way out of proportion, could hear it in the gasp he let out when I rolled my hips against his trapped figure.

"Sorry about the roughness," I groaned, pecking across his neck lovingly, "You just really... I'm all riled up now Sprout."

I heard him swallow, lifting my head to meet his shining silver iris's, seeing the want from my own orbs reflected back at me.

"Can I kiss you?"

He seemed dumbfounded by the request, as if he had never thought I would his permission for a taste of his lips, and so I asked again with a harsher tone that hopefully got my wanting point across.

Slowly he nodded and stammered, face beat red, "Ye... Yes... you can kiss me."

I leaned into him, carefully pressing our lips together in an oddly soft kiss that I knew he didn't expect, that was more full of everything; of love, of want, of passion, than any before it.

Yes they were gentle kisses at first, happy close breathless ones that would have been just as equally overwhelming without the close proximity or the raging hard on that sat awkwardly in my pants, but I wouldn't let them stay that way for long, I couldn't, not when it was him. Allen's hands soon wrapped around my neck, our roughness rising with the intensity of our kisses, and soon his mouth was pried open to welcome my own slick organ, tongues tangling in a dance of tasting each other that made us forget everything around us.

Neither of us would let the other up for air for long, a pale hand gaining some control by tangling itself in my hair and yanking hard when his lung's began to burn, and I knew that they had to be burning because of the fires that would erupt in my own chest from the lack of oxygen and overdoses of Allen.

God, and his little moans, the gasps he would give. I found myself enjoying more and more the sound he made every time he had to drag me away from his mouth, our hips grinding together heatedly as I did my best to bring him to this same lustful state as I, make him desperate for me like I was for him and his taste, make him need me.

The wanting got so bad I eventually smashed my lips down on his in re-connection, the motion so rough our teeth clinked together with an audible sound that -for a split second- had me recalling when we'd clinked wine glasses at the restaurant. I connected our lips with hunger and desperation, eyes glued shut so I could focus only on the feeling of him, my chest feeling more restricted then it had ever felt before.

I growled like an animal when he melted against me, giving into me completely, no longer an eager participant but a drowning man allowing the kiss to just happen as I wanted it. I kissed him like if I didn't bruise our lips to a matching degree someone else would slip in and take the chance from me, like someone else would suffocate him in kisses, would leave marks across his pale porcelain neck.

I ran my hands over his spiffy clothes and down his torso to his thin hips while finally giving him some time to breathe, my lips discovering the skin stretched over his slender yet strong collar, his chest rising heavily against my own as he gasped in air desperately.

Slipping my hands beneath his dress shirt I caressed his skin, feeling every curve and dip of his lower abdomen, growling in irritation when the snugness of his vest denied me further exploration.

"Useless... vest." I grumbled into his neck between rough sucks, channeling the frustration into both rolling my lower half into him and leaving my darkly shaded love bruises on his young skin.

Reluctantly my hands left the smooth surface of his body to undo the buttons, the Moyashi groaning deliciously when my lips moved to a new spot higher on his throat. His hands ran marathons through my hair, fisting it as I shifted my leg between his thighs rubbing at the slight bulge in his crotch sensually, searching for anything that would pull a reaction out of him. I wanted a new sound, to make a move that would make him weaken even further beneath me.

Pushing the fabric off his shoulders it fell to our feet, and when he groaned my name again I nipped beneath his ear, biting and licking now, imprinting the taste of his frail skin on my tongue. My hands had gone back to exploring, quickly finding their places, fingers gently skimming up his frame until a shiver and choked inhale told me I'd hit just the sensitive spot. He was turned on, so fucking on that I pulled back and could clearly see the hardness of his nipples through his white dress shirt, see how his teeth grit in pleasure as I ran my thumbs teasingly over the sensitive nubs.

The Moyashi's adorable reaction pulled a wicked smirk into my lips, my eyes glued to his crumpling features as I pinched a yelp from him, flicking, rubbing, and squeezing him into a squirming protesting mess.

"K-Kanda! St-Stop!" He moaned, his body betraying the words that fell from his kiss bruised lips, but I headed the request anyway, once again dropping my groping hands to the Moyashi's waist, wanting to do more than just feel him up.

When I wandered beneath the fabric of his -thankfully belt-less- trousers he tried to call my name and I took my chance, once again slipping my tongue into his sweet little mouth, sucking and licking like he would be my last meal, dominating him with soaking saliva filled kisses full of passion and so little air we could easily suffocate. His hands failed to find exchange on my shirt, so immediately I banished it to the floor, pulling it over my head because fuck these buttons. Like magic, to me, the cloth no longer existed. I was too busy drowning the Moyashi in an intense exchanging of DNA while against the counter to care about my red dress shirt or tie or when exactly Allen had loosened either.

Allen's face was hot with embarrassment, I could feel his skin radiating the heat, but he was too busy removing his hands from my hair to notice, his focus was on running his slim digits over my now bare chest while I kissed him into space.

When his eyes opened to meet mine I remembered where I had my hands, realizing I had paused upon taking in his appearance, and broken our heated kissing without thinking. I leaned mere inches from his swollen lips as silver eyes flickered over me, wet and lustful and needing, and it made my heart quiver under my ribs. Seeing his wanting gaze directed at me, knowing that I was the one making a mess of him, hearing how much he enjoyed every touch, my every caress of him.

Each of us panted wildly, suddenly motionless in the moment, but pressed so close there wasn't a lick of oxygen between us. Neither of us said a word in favor of catching our breathes for this quick and intimate second, our gazes locked together in a hold stronger than anything I had felt before, and I swear if one us had looked away the building would have crashed down around us.

Instead I smirked, grinning down Allen's small height difference before resting my forehead against his, reminding him of our position with a swift cupping of his 'arousal' through -what felt like- his boxer briefs.

He let out a sound so lustful and needy sounding he could have used it to rule me, use it to coax angels off their clouds or convince demons to rise, a tone so amazing how could you not become entranced by it? Not want to cloak yourself in it?

I decided that his shirt too, was useless to us, and without taking my eyes from his I danced a hand across his clothed torso until I found the top button on his dress shirt, making quick work of the first few single handedly before growling at the rest of the row.

"Fuck these goddamn buttons." I groaned in frustration as I pulled at the end of his dress shirt, urging him to help me lift the obstruction over his snow colored head.

To my surprise his eyes suddenly widened, as if he had just figured out my intentions, his pale hands quickly dropping to pull his shirt back down.

"K-Kanda... K-Kanda stop." He stammered as I fought with him to push the obstruction out of the way.

"Don't get shy on me now Moyashi, you started it." I argued with a smirk I hoped was seductive in his eyes, a small nagging feeling that something was off cutting through the fog of lust in my thoughts.

"K-Kanda, seriously, st-stop!"

I retreated my hand from his pants, now using both to try and lift his shirt over his head, that bad feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.

"Oi, Moyashi, what's wrong? What-"

I was cut off by the glance I took towards his abdomen, the cloth lifted just high enough for just long enough to let me catch a peek of something that wasn't his pale pure skin, the memory of Allen's tear streaked and deeply bruised face bubbling up and popping suspicion into my head. My heart hammered, only now not because of lust or the Moyashi's presence, but in a mix of worry and leaking anger.

Roughly I collected his wrists in one hand, holding his struggling frame in place with my hips for a reason completely different from moments ago.

"Please stop Kanda! Don't-!"

In one fell swoop I pulled the entirety of the shirt up and off him, releasing his arms to completely remove it, the cloth fluttering to the floor as I took in his upper body.

My heart nearly froze from the sight, Allen wincing upon seeing my expression, struggling to escape and probably cover himself, but it was already too late.

I was already shocked, already angry, and too fucking full of myself to think of his feelings for one goddamn second.

"Allen...?" I whispered his name breathlessly, not only because he'd already taken my breath away, but because this caught me so off guard that I almost forgot to breathe.

Across what should have been a smooth expanse of porcelain chest was a horrible series of randomly placed bruises, some darker than others, fresh and old littering his beautiful body. Each mark sparked on something deep in my heart, pain erupting across the nerves of my feelings, ending with a stabbing jab in my pride. I wanted answers, names, the necks of who ever had given him those so I could ring them myself with my own two hands. A million questions, fueled with the pain of seeing him so bruised and beat up, flew through my head at speeds I could barely comprehend them at, but one word, one single word, shouted itself over all the others.

"K-Kanda, I-I-I-"

"Who?" I growled, the mood sinking like the titanic, and I was personally feeling a lot like Jack during that sad end scene, "Who did that to you? Who gave you THOSE!?"

Immediately his face crumpled with every horrendous emotion he shouldn't be feeling right now or ever, especially not while in my arms, his head dropping, shaking fiercely, like he was willing himself to wake up from a bad dream.

"No..." he whispered, voice turning horse, "No, you... you weren't supposed to see! Not-not now! Not now! Not now! No no no!"

I curled my hands into fists at my side, squeezing them tightly to release some of the anger such a shitty statement provided me, watching intently as he seemed to start falling apart in front of me.

"We- we were supposed to have that moment! This was supposed to be- Couldn't I even have this one moment?!" He spit out the words angrily, eyes rimmed red as he began to cry, "It was supposed to end like I wanted it! We were going to move on! I was supposed to be ready!"

I absorbed what he babbled with a heavy heart, running though everything he could possibly mean by those statements, but the words 'move on' seemed to stick to me. I felt I'd just been punched in the gut, my limbs feeling heavy with the fear that Allen was talking about leaving me.

Was that it? Was he going to leave me? Why? What 'moment' is he talking about? Who gave him those bruise's?

"Allen..." I growled out in frustration, "What-... Are you leaving me? Where you going to break up with me tonight?"

His shook his head violently, hands grasping my still bare shoulders tightly, his slightly smaller frame shaking uncontrollably as more fat tears slide down his flushed cheeks.

"No! Kanda I would never-... You just weren't supposed to know."

"Know what Allen?! Know you had these bruises?! Know who gave them to you?! What the hell have you been going on about?!"

When he buried his face in my chest to avoid giving an answer I sighed frustratedly, feeling my anger sit itself at a level simmer, the man in my arms easily getting on my damn nerves, but even my own feelings found themselves calming to put his baka ass first.

"God, Allen..." I pulled his bare chest to mine in a tight hug that I hoped would comfort him, one that would assure him that I wasn't mad at him, that my anger has been purely from concern.

"What am I going to do with you?" I mumbled again, tone still mad and annoyed, but softer then it had been before.

When I felt something wet and warm drip onto the crook of my neck that the Moyashi's face was buried in I began to back him off the table, still holding him tight to me but no longer pressing him harshly against the counter like I had been, our arousal forgotten as I slide my hands under his butt, lifting him so I could carry him into the living room.

He stayed silent as I sat him on the couch, the Moyashi reluctantly letting me put him down, climbing into my lap when I sat down next to him and curling into my chest. It was a lot colder now that we had cooled down, so I reached for the blanket left neatly folded on the arm rest, Allen not seeming to take any notice of it as I pulled it over his bare shoulders.

"Allen..." I whispered his name again, not exactly sure what else I could do to help comfort him, not sure what I was suppose to do from here.

"K-Kanda... I-I'm sorry, I... I-I didn't mean for y-you to-to see them." He hiccuped messily along my neck, quickly wiping at his face with the edge of the blanket around him.

"Allen, you have to tell me what or who those are from, I just was pissed, seeing you were hurt... fuck, I- you- I panicked sprout."

I could feel him frown, and I wondered if he could hear that even now my heart was racing from how close he was.

"K-Kanda..."

"I'm not letting you go anywhere until you tell me what's going on Allen."

He turned his gaze up at me, silver lining eyes soaked with salty water, rimmed with a thin redness but still so goddamn beautiful that they made my heart jump.

Why does he always make me feel like I should be protecting him? Like he's a precious lost soul that would shrivel away without me caring for him? Of course he was his own person, he could live easily without me, but could I really ever live without him anymore?

Maybe, I might, but it wouldn't be a happy existence... or even a sane one.

With the deepest and shakiest breath of the night the Moyashi sighed, sitting up next to me on the leather couch, running a hand through his soft white locks.

"There's... I guess there's really no stopping it huh? No point in h-hiding it."

His voice shook just as badly as his hands, his breathing uneven as he tried to keep it calm and clear and free of hiccup's, but the fear in it was so obvious. What was he scared of? What didn't he want to tell me?

"I was hoping I'd have more time, more time with-... more time... but I guess it's better just to tell you now."

Every word was just one frustration after another, his happy tone deflated in a way I had never heard before, his appearance so ruined and defeated.

What was he so frightened to say?

Why wouldn't he let me protect him?

* * *

So... Sorry it kind hangs, I promise to get the next one out soon... Also realized halfway through writing the seduction by hand part how the title really fit this chapter, I didn't even plan it out that way, I swear.


	14. The Painful Stinging Truth

(Allen)

He knows, he's seen the marks... I was too late to stop him...

God! What had I even been thinking in the first place?! Why did I do that? Why did I try? Why did I think this would ever go over smoothly?!

He had looked so handsome all night, he was always a hot-ugh- I don't know, he's just Kanda with his silky hair and he's in dress clothes, he had loosened his tie for goodness sake!

What had I been thinking?

Stupid question. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! Just like me!

...

I know what I was thinking.

I was thinking, for a moment, that I might actually have something go my way for once. I forgot about my life, my bruises, my pain. I forgot I had something to hide from him, and all I could see was his big dumb handsome face, all I could feel was his lips, and his hands, and the blood rushing around in my veins. I had let reality go, left it behind because I'm an idiot, because I must secretly hate myself on the inside.

And now I have no choice since he's seen them, he knows something, for sure, is not right.

If he leaves I'll just have to let go, I'll just have to deal with the freshness of being unprepared, the ache that will come with the early retirement of our love.

The thought of Kanda showing me to the door nearly shattered my heart, added to my fears of the look on his face when he found out, how mad he would be at me for keeping this from him.

Would he kick me out? Would he yell at me?

Something deep inside me pipped up with a single frightening 'What if he hits you?' but I brushed it away immediately. It was something I knew Kanda would never do, not when he wasn't joking, not without hurting himself in the process.

I really had hoped that I would have more time with him... we were even- we were about to have the wonderful night that I had been hoping for. The date had been going so well, I had been having such a good time... and I just had to mess it all up.

I might as well just let him end it all.

"The-The truth is... is they came f-from my uncle." I finally admitted to him after a long tension filled silence, my voice embarrassingly broken, torn down. I hated sounding like this in front of him, it showed my weakness, my sharp edges, and I loathed it.

"My uncle C-Cross... ever since the accident he's been drowning himself in liquor. A-At first he'd just stumble home drunk, he would pass out wherever he wanted to, he was just hurting himself for a long time. But after a while... I-I think i-it started to get to him. I'm still alive, they are dead, and I know he blames me for what happened... He gets really drunk now and when I go home, he's up waiting for me, pissed off and ready to pick a fight."

I turned to Kanda, since I might take all the pain at once, face my fears head on, might as well look him in the eye when I told him the truth about how I'm really just a cracked mess of a human being. I could see he was listening to my every word intently as I met his fiery cobalt eyes, my own probably sad, undoubtedly full of unbridled pain as I admitted it was my ass of an uncle who had been leaving me the most broken lately.

At least, he had been, up until this...

Now I guess it would be Kanda's turn to hurt me.

Does everyone get a turn to swing a bat at my heart in this life?

"I-It's been getting worse lately, h-he used to pass out before I got home, but he's been getting worse Kanda... these are all from him... the one on my cheek awhile ago had been from him too."

"Why didn't you tell me this before Allen?" He growled, frowning deeply, taking one of my hands in both of his, holding onto it protectively.

"He's- He's a sick man Kanda, it's the alcohol that makes him do it, h-he forgets..."

Forgets he wasn't the only one who lost some one that day...

"My-my families gone too..."

That last part, whispering it into the world, it was like a new knife in the old wound and because of the pain I could feel a fresh wave of tears approaching me, threatening to spill over.

"Allen." Kanda said seriously, eyes still full of flames, but my imagination was making them seem softer than before.

"That... that bastard, I-I'll kill him for this... for hurting you."

I shook my head stubbornly, using my free hand to wipe the tears from my eyes before they could roll down my wet cheeks, looking down in shame from him seeing my current state.

I know he cares, anyone with an ounce of heart would care, but this is not something he should be fixing, not something he should deal with. He can spare me the kind words.

"Please don't Kanda, don't hate him for this, I don't hate him."

"But Allen look what he's done to you!"

"He's a sick man Kanda! He's poisoned his own mind!... He-He scares me, and sometimes I'm worried he'll do something drastic, that he would hurt me in a way that wouldn't heal, but he's still my uncle. He was just too weak to deal with the pain, with the reality, so he lets out his anger on me... and I'm so weak I suffer under it, I can't stop it."

I just wanted to be home, curled up under the sheets, behind the door that's been protecting me from Cross. My chest tight, aching, because I wanted that door's protection, only now from Kanda, from the words he was about to throw at me.

Because I didn't want to be thrown away just yet.

"_Che_. You are not weak!"

"Spare me your pity Kanda! Keep your fucking arguments! I AM weak! I AM nothing! Don't you get it now!?"

I ripped my hand from his, jumping up off the couch, away from the searing warmth that had enveloped and loved me not moments before, not bothering to watch his reaction to it all. I was too scared, a little chicken shit who couldn't look their boyfriend in the eye as he was left behind, couldn't bare being tossed to the side again without a say.

"I'm broken and there is nothing that will ever fix me Kanda! I've been destroyed! I'm a mess!"

The tears had stopped but all I could see anyway was the tan colored carpet and my sock covered feet, my shoes abandoned ever since I walked into the apartment, and my throat was starting to scratch from my yelling and crying.

"I'm not worth it!"

For a split second I considered just running, booking it to the nearest bus stop and letting it take me to the end of its route, catching a ride to nowhere with no one. I wanted to be a coward, I wanted to be one so badly, but for Kanda's sake I would be strong for this. I'll use the last of my strength on this. On him.

Because I think I love him. So at least I'll walk away with that.

"How dare you." He growled, sounding unsurprisingly angry.

I knew he would be mad that I didn't tell him sooner, he shouldn't be mixed up in all of this, he's stressed about his schooling, finding his place in the world... he shouldn't have to deal with me too.

He doesn't have too.

"How dare you say those things about yourself."

I understand he- wait-

"Has this really been going on this long? Long enough for you to believe all that bullshit?"

What is he even saying right now?

"You think every word of that is true, don't you? For fuck sake Allen! Don't listen to that dick head's drunken word vomit! You should know better than that!"

_What the hell is he even saying right now?_

"The idea... the thought that- that he would do something like this to you! He's all... you where so young when that happened! And look! Look at yourself Allen! This is not something you can brush off! This is abuse!"

My body had locked itself up with each word, I was stuck in place with nothing but my neck muscles in working order, and even they felt wobbly, like they would snap under the weight if I held my head too high.

Slowly I risked snapping my neck, turning my gaze up to him, only to see that he wasn't even looking at me anymore. He had one hand buried in his hair, his heated eyes glaring at nothing in particular off to the side, his features scrunched in thoughtful anger. He looked like he was about to punch a wall, like he was contemplating all the different angles he could attack at, and both his hands had balled into fists squeezed tightly enough that they were shaking. I frowned thinking of his bruised fist, remembering that he never got the chance to put something on it to help, wishing that his injury was priority right now, not my brokenness.

What is he even saying? Is he...? Is he mad at me for not telling him or what? He wants me to leave doesn't he? He... He...

He couldn't like me that much that he'd keep all of this? Right?

I'm not worth it, I'm nothing, I'm... I'm...

Something from deep inside whispered a memory into my ear, reminded me of what he'd said the day I came crying to him with that bruise across my cheek, told me about how serious he had looked when he had said he wanted to protect me.

Was he protecting me still even now? Even when there's nothing left for him to protect? Like a loyal dog who's owner has died, does he sit at my grave and growl at the people who pass by? ... How could I even think that? How could I have even thought to compare him to a dog when Kanda's one of the few decent human beings I know?

"I know Kanda, don't you think I understand? I know my situation, and I know the risks that come with walking through the front door at the end of the day. I've dreaded it every night, after every date we've had! I dread it now at this very moment because I know that no matter what I'll have to go home eventually and when I do there's a chance he will be up waiting for me! I understand Kanda! Why don't you?!"

He had looked back to me as I spoke, he's eyes never dimming their fires, his frown and fists never loosening, never relaxing.

"That-that bastard! Why have you never told-?!"

"BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!"

I screamed it at his thick skull from the top of my lungs, knowing that he was just prolonging the inevitable, that he had to be.

If he wants to know it all so badly then I'll tell him the painful stinging truth.

"I didn't want you to know, Kanda! Because your a smart and handsome person who could have whoever you wanted and I'm just this broken pile of shards that is going to blow away in the wind someday! I'm a nothing that will have nothing, be nothing, and had planned on leaving nothing behind because of that! You don't need this in your life! You don't need ME in your life! I'm just a weight on you! Something to hold you down!"

More tears flooded my eyes and I quickly wiped them away, I could see Kanda's mouth drop open, his lips beginning to form more of those assurances that everything would be okay, and as much as I wanted to fall into them, I just couldn't. I couldn't stop now that I'd started.

"I was hoping to get some good memories before you found out... I was hoping to give you more than just my first kiss and a few months of secretly making out in the storage room. I wanted my first time- my only time to be with you. I didn't tell you because I wanted something pleasant I could look back on, something happy to keep myself sane for the rest of my life, I wanted to have a memory I could actually cherish." I paused a moment to breath, to swallow the lump that threatened to crack my voice before continuing to drill my point into his stubborn as steel head, "I thought that once you could see how really fucked up I am you would realize you could do better, that you don't need this in your life, and would pack your shit! I understand that you don't need this, but I didn't want it to end suddenly, I wanted time to come to terms with how I feel and how I'll feel about eventually having those feelings stomped on! But it's too late for that because now you know about my home life, you know how useless I am! So just throw me away already! There's nothing left for you to protect!"

I couldn't see his reaction, my eyes where too blurred with tears, and when I blinked them away I could feel them heavily roll across my skin.

"You can't save me, Kanda."

And when, after a long time, he didn't say anything, I decided it was time I take my leave.

"I... I understand that, you don't need this, I'm-I'll just go-"

I barely made it three steps before he was in the way of my path, standing tall and protectively before me, and it killed me -yet thrilled my heart- that he wasn't just letting me go.

How could he still stand in my way? I'm nothing. Can give him nothing.

"Damn it Moyashi!" He yelled loud enough to make me flinch back instinctively, "Where the hell do you think your going? Why are you so intent on leaving? Why?"

"Because I'm use-"

"But your not! Not to me!"

Feeling my traitorous heart flutter from the tone in his voice, I quickly wiped at my off and on shower of tears, wondering how he could see me now and still say something like that. Those words are so uncharacteristic of him, to admit such a feeling existed in him, he never would admit his feelings.

"For fuck-sake Allen! What can I say to get you to stay, to show you you have some god damn worth in this world?!"

I was too busy trying not to just breakdown on the floor to answer him, realizing my arms where too wet to help the water in my eyes, pulling the blanket that still miraculously hung on my shoulders tighter around me.

And then I heard him sigh deeply, heard the familiar annoyance he held himself with, and I knew it was any second now. He was getting tired, tired of fighting me, and any moment he'd say the words... he'd let me go.

I couldn't help but hold my breath.

"Allen, I..."

Closing my eyes, I had to look away, look to the ground. I hated this.

I hated it with all the love left in my heart.

"Allen... shit Allen."

Suddenly I was enveloped by his strong arms, my teary face once again mushed against his strong chest, his grip so tight it forced out all the air that I'd been holding in.

"I don't care Allen, I don't care about any of that shit, don't you see that?"

I could barely gulp, barely suck in a shake breath.

"You say all that garbage about being useless, worthless, when your not anything close, your so far from those things Allen."

I just stood frozen, shocked that he was not only holding me with all his strength but also because his voice shook like leafs falling in the wind, a mixture of anger and... was that... sadness? hurt? leaking from Kanda's lips?

"Don't go back to that shit-hole if you hate it so much you, you damn fool, don't deal with the bastards bullshit. Stay with me, live here, I'll even go pick up your stuff, you'll never have to see him again. You could live here with me."

"What- Kanda- Why would you-"

"Because I love you! I love you baka! Why can't _you _see that?!"

When my heart stopped I thought I had died, when my lungs refused to take in air I thought I had suffocated, and when his grip ever impossibly tightened I thought I had gone to some sort of twisted heaven.

Kanda... Kanda loved me? No, but I'm so useless, so worthless, how could he love someone so pathetic?

"I've loved you since high school... and even back then it took me forever to realize it. But god damn it, I love you Allen Walker, and there is no fucking way your walking out that door or going back to that monster while I do."

"But-... But I'm so-"

"Those are lies. And you know it."

His tone was harsh, but it held more hurtful feelings then I'd ever seen or heard Kanda express. In all the years we'd know each other, never had Kanda sounded quiet like this, this hurt, this heart breaking. It wretched at my heart, sent razors across my heart strings to hear him sound like this, to be in so much agony he expressed it.

"Tell me how you really feel Allen."

Slowly I raised my arms to his chest, his grip loosening slightly, just slightly, almost as if he was scared I'd bolt out of his arms if he gave me the chance.

Knowing me, if I wasn't so stunned, I probably would have.

But I was more concerned with seeing his face at the moment, reaching up to brush back a long strand of his raven colored hair, my silver eyes more surprised then they had ever been in my short life as they found his cobalt orbs.

My breath was taken even further by the sight of his trembling blue eyes, a single tear leaking from them for the first time, his heart racing beneath the hand that still rested on his chest.

I had never seen Kanda cry before.

Kanda didn't cry, not when he was injured, not at special events or with forever goodbyes, not even when in tenth grade he got nailed in the junk while playing soccer against the twelve graders.

Kanda was a big tough guy, he never showed more than distaste, or annoyance, and even though he did have his soft moments, they where rare and far in between.

Never ever had Yu Kanda cried.

Yet here we are, my own face streaked with the tears of self-hatred and thought-to-be upcoming sorrows, watching silently as a single tear ripped itself from the corner of the mans eye only to gently speed it's way down towards me.

"Ka-Kanda?" I almost whispered, not exactly sure how to handle him, never hearing him sound so much like he wanted to break.

Why would he cry for me?

"I... I love you Allen."

The words where croaked out of his throat, croaked, like he was breaking down from the inside out.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I haven't been able to protect you from all of this, but if you give me the chance, I can try again. I'll protect you this time."

My mind was so baffled by ever word he said that all it could do was scream at me, scream at me to tell him how I felt about him, tell him that I wanted nothing more then to live the rest of my life in this small apartment with him and his shitty attitude by my side.

"What-? What are you saying Yu?"

He shook his head, taking his grasp away without warning, stepping back from me.

"If you love me, then stay with me... I want you Allen, I want you to live here with me, to tell me how you feel."

"I don't... why should I believe you? Believe you'll hold onto me? to us?"

Why would you hold onto such a worthless thing like me?

"Because I love you."

That time they felt like a stab wound, but really I deserved it for questioning the truth in anything he told me. Why would he lie? Why else would he cry if everything he was saying was the truth?

Kanda loved me, Kanda refused to let me go, offered to make it all better.

Everything I'd ever wanted.

All in his offered hand.

"Kanda... Kanda..." I mumbled feeling a fresh stream of tears bubble, but this time they came from a well of relief inside me that I had never before reached, never been able to tap into.

I rushed into his arms, the blanket slipping from my thin shoulders, but I didn't care. I was too busy wrapping my own arms tightly around him.

"Kanda I... I love you too." I told him desperately, clinging to him, the words flying from me in a serious of gut wrenching sobs.

"I love- I love you Kanda... I love you so much."

"Then stay."

I turned my gaze up to him, seeing the begging in his eyes, the desperation.

And for the first time in a long time, in such a long fucking time, I truly felt like I was worth something to someone.

I felt like I had a purpose.

Like I was loved.

"Stay if you really mean that Allen."

I felt his warm gentle embrace as I took in a deep shaky breath, I myself not believing what I was about to say to him, because really I had never imagined it would turn out like this. I could feel his worried gaze, feel his love, its weight, its... its reality.

"I... I'll stay Kanda, I promise, I'll stay with you."


	15. The Morning Comes

(Kanda)

I wasn't sure what woke me that next morning.

It wasn't the thin light filtering through the window, nor was it a loud noise, or some other annoyance.

All I knew was I hadn't woken up cold, that it most definitely wasn't because of a morning chill.

The Moyashi was wrapped tightly in my arms sleeping softly, I could feel his comfortable warmth against my bare chest, hear his slow even breathing.

With a silent sigh I let my eyes fall open, coming face to face with the back of that worrisome head of his, the Moyashi's soft downy locks messy from the styling my pillows had done during the night.

I could tell he was still fast asleep, feeling his chest slowly rising and falling, his posture more relaxed then it ever was when he was awake in my arms.

I myself couldn't remember a time when I had felt this at peace with a morning, I usually fought them tooth and nail, willed them to stop irritating me and to take their daily insistence with them.

So this was a welcomed change, waking up with another warm body in my bed.

It was... nice.

Although, there is an issue that comes with waking up next to my Moyashi, one that was especially problematic after the way last night had went.

I had gotten rock hard thrusting up against him, from the feel of his lips, from how much I wanted him.

I almost regretted the way I had gone about things, how raw I had been, and how deliciously rough...

Almost. I almost regretted it.

It had led us up to some deep shit the Moyashi had been hiding from from me, and finding out what was really going on... I never would have dreamed it was something so...

It baffles me how easily he could hide the things that bastard did to him.

Last night, after promising me he wouldn't run out the front door like a frightened kitten that had found its escape, it had taken some time to calm him down completely. He had been heaving and sobbing so much I thought he would pass out, but instead, while lying together on the couch, he slowly released these small blurbs of information. A few were situations he'd been thrown into because of his Uncles drunkenness, and he had shared a few embarrassing memories from high school that had led him to me... One or two had even been about his parents, a topic I knew to hold back the comments on, not that I had many to make in the first place.

When he finally remembered the half chopped ingredients that had sat in the kitchen all this time, he'd jumped up with an 'oh!', and proceeded to cradle my hand like the rest of the night hadn't even happened.

He made me make the bruise cream, asking through the entire process if he could help, and then insisting on being the one to apply it. I was able to cut him a deal with a bit of coaxing, he could apply it only if he put some on the bruises that lined his own body, and once that was done he popped the movie he'd picked out into the DVD player like it was nothing.

It was half past two by the time he fell asleep, so I carried him to bed, but not before lending him one of my pairs of sweatpants.

Hoping that in the morning he wouldn't be mad at me for dressing him (I mean, he's lucky we're just shirtless...) I climbed in next to him.

He's so warm now, I don't want to get up.

I'm not tired, and it's almost ten in the morning, but his side is just too comfortable to leave.

Plus... Something else was already up and ready to play, but I don't want to deal with that right now.

I pulled him in closer to me, nuzzling deeply into his snowy hair, just letting the presence of him engulf me.

Then I might have fallen asleep again...

!

(Allen)

Kanda was lying so close to me, it was like a dream, and I shamefully indulged in every moment his warmth was pressed against my back from the second I woke up.

It was refreshing to not cry myself to sleep for once, and even better because of the man that lay protectively beside me.

Last night... Last night had been a eye opener to me, I hadn't realized Kanda could ever have feelings for me that ran this deep, so deep that the issues don't bother him like I had thought they would. For that I will be forever thankful, for his kindness, for his warmth. It was nothing I could have ever wished for.

Carefully, doing my best not to wake him with my actions, I turned around in Kanda's arms so that we lay face to face. His warm breath tickled the bridge of my nose, his expression more relaxed then I had ever seen it, his long gorgeous hair slightly messed and falling like silk around him.

How could I have found someone so beautiful to want to be in my life? Someone so possessive and loving? Of course Kanda had his... quirks, and a few kinks in his attitude, but what was that really when compared to people like Cross? Compared to a monster he was nothing less than angelic.

He was trustworthy, at a standard that was so much higher then my own because I had lied and cheated my way through many things. I lied to Cross to save myself, to Lavi so he would save me his pity, and I had even lied to Kanda... looked him in the eyes and told him that everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. I had lied after every date, lied with every quick peck I had left him before heading to my so-called home, yet he forgave it all. He forgave it all last night and whispered back that same lie to me, only he said it in a way that I could never have, spoke those words in such a way that I knew he had turned them into the truth.

He found value in me, someone worthless, someone who couldn't even find a price to put on themselves. He held me back from the doorway I never wanted to cross, kept me in place when I threatened throw out the trash that I am, he made me feel like my life had purpose passed being a punching bag.

I just hoped to have the chance to love him forever for all that.

I took in his handsome features, remembering how he had held me yesterday, how good his hands had felt. Just the memory turned me on, the taste of his lips as he had kissed me like a desperate man starved of love, how he had growled into my mouth and ran his hands over my clothes. Oh man, he had grabbed my junk, hadn't he? I was getting... aroused, just thinking back to it. I felt my blood rushing south as I remembered the feeling of his clothed member pressed against-

"You know, it's rude to stare Moyashi."

The sound of his deep voice and the movement of his lips scared me so badly I had to hold back what would have been a shamefully feminine screech of fright, my brain quickly twisting it into something useful and coherent.

"Ka-Kanda! Y-your awake!" I stuttered a little louder then I really meant, plastering a fake innocent smile on my face just in case.

One of his intense cobalt eyes fluttered open, a sneaky smug grin accompanying it. Just how long had he been awake? Had I actually woken him up with my drifting stare?

"Where you watching me sleep?"

"What? Uh, n-no! I-I, I just woke up."

"So you weren't staring at me?"

His tone was smug and taunting making him sound like he didn't believe me, so I grinned at him, snuggling against his chest innocently. "What if I was?" I challenged gently.

He took a moment before answering with his own question.

"Where you thinking dirty things about me Moyashi?"

"No! Kanda!"

My eyes widened as I felt the waist bands of both my pants and boxers stretch open, Kanda's sneaky hands pulling the fabric back while the man chuckled smugly with a satisfied grin, his deep blue's gazing into me to find the reaction I'd have to his sudden advance.

"What's this then?"

I was so shocked and embarrassed I couldn't move a muscle; not to protect myself, not hide my shame, the only response I could really muster up was a disgraceful head drop. I prayed that my hair covered my boiling hot face.

After a moment of silence, he spoke again.

"You are too much."

"T-to... much?" My frayed mental state worked to process what he said, but really, to expect anything intelligent at the moment was asking too much.

Kanda hummed a light affirmative hum as he shifted in the bed, the mattress springs creaking from the shift in weight. I didn't bother to look up, his hand letting my clothes go to my relief, but then I could feel his warm rough hand on my chin. He cupped it gently, shifting my gaze so that I could find and drown in his midnight ocean eye's.

"I need to sully you."

His voice came out so deep and husky, so laced with the scratchiness left from sleep, that I could feel myself pulse with anticipation. Kanda's eyes had a glimmer that I briefly remembered seeing when he had me pressed against the counter, a fire that I could almost feel, and it made me visibly shiver.

He chuckled at my reaction before pressing his lips against mine in a hurried yet gentle kiss, his hands leaving my face to snake carefully down my bare chest.

I was lost in the feeling of his lips until he pressed a little too hard against one of my larger bruises, causing me to hiss in surprise from the pain, breaking our lips apart.

"Are you alright?" He whispered, taking his large warm hands off me, and I frowned at the way it ruined the moment.

"Yeah," I mumbled, "They're just a bit sore, that's all."

With his intense ocean eyes he surveyed my damaged body, a notion that had me cringing while he wasn't looking, and I just wished that the damn things would heal already. They where just bruises, not a big deal really, but I knew if I voiced that opinion Kanda wouldn't let it sit as that. He hated that I was hurt, I could see the anger turning in his eyes, but instead of growling like I thought he would the male merely leaned into me and began a soft trail of kisses starting from the highest bruise on my chest.

"Wha-What are you doing?" I stammered in confusion, holding back a groan at the feeling of his mouth on my body, trying not to think about where he ultimately was going to end up.

"I'm kissing it better."

His reply made my breath catch in my throat, it was so thoughtfully sweet and unlike him while at the same time he said it in a way that was completely like him, like what he was doing was the most obvious thing in the world. It made my heart shake in my chest.

I had never had someone kiss my injuries better before, no one who cared enough to bother, and as his lips traveled from one spot to another I could feel my fire for him growing, the urge to just whisper 'I love you' over and over to him pulling at me like saying it would make him live longer.

Kanda was gentle with every touch, and as he moved to kiss lower on my chest his hand brushed one of my pebbled nipples, making me groan and arch at the unexpected amount of pleasure.

He chuckled at the reaction, kissing at my other sore spots but keeping his hands on my pectorals, tweaking and playing with the spots that made me whimper in pleasure.

He seemed to take forever to explore all of my chest, to make sure that he had left a healing kiss on every inch of discolored skin, making my body heat in desire for more.

"Ka-Kanda... lower, please." I groaned out pleadingly, twisting my hands in his silky hair.

He turned gazed up at me to show a hungry stare, a large shark-like smirk on his wet lips, making him look far sexier then usual. He ignored my plea to move on, instead crawling back up to my lips, pecking them lightly to feed my frustration.

When I felt his hand slip beneath the fabric of my bottoms, his large warm hand resting achingly close to my hardness, I wanted to hit him.

"What's wrong?" He whispered against my lips, kissing me again, this time with a bit more passion, "Tell me what you want Moyashi."

With a heated moan I tightened my grip in his hair, pulling his face down so that I could taste his delicious breath between my parted lips, lifting my hips slightly so that I could wrap my legs around his waist. Meeting his lustful blue orbs with my own smelted silvers I gave an almost awkward thrust against him, breathing out the words he wanted to hear before pulling our mouths into a warm clashing of needs.

"Touch me Kanda... take me."

Satisfied by my request Kanda growled into me, his hand running teasingly along the skin leading up to my member before he stroked its base carefully, earning the gasp that I fed him in return.

It was only the tips of his fingers at first, his long slim digits dancing up the side of me until he reached the weeping top, using his thumb to smear the pre-cum all his playing had caused. I shivered at the feeling, my eyes falling closed as I focused on his intensifying kisses and the sparks of pleasure he let me taste, my mind reeling at the reality of him still wanting me even after he knew about everything.

He slowly took me in his hand, slipping his tongue past my lips as he started a slow pump, claiming my mouth like it was his more than it was mine, the feeling of his strong appendage handling my arousal like nothing I had ever felt before. They where deep strokes, and as he worked towards a steady pace they coaxed choked moans from my throat, but my pants still restricted the man's movement.

With a growl Kanda finally became frustrated enough to break our hot and heavy kiss, the warmth of his hand on my junk suddenly gone so that he could use it to help yank down my bottoms, and the sudden rush of cooler air had me mewling uncomfortably.

"K-Kanda? Wha-what are you doing?" I panted, still recapturing the air he'd stolen straight from my lungs.

Ignoring me he ripped off the sweats I was wearing, leaving my boxers stretched around my thighs. I watched excitedly as my boyfriend sat back on his knees, reaching to tug away his own bottoms, my heart nearly beating a hole in my ribs as I nervously anticipated his... equipment. Face flushed from the heat of the moment, his hair a tangled mess because of my harsh grip, Kanda was the image of steamy, the definition. His chest wasn't super toned but I could see the sharp beginnings of his abs, his pecks rising and falling as he huffed for oxygen, and as he pulled off the last of his little clothes I couldn't help but notice how his hot pelvic 'V' deepened before fading off.

I barely had time to appreciate his body before his underwear and pants where fluttering to the floor somewhere on the other side of the room.

My eyes widened at the complete rawness of the man above me, he was utterly and totally naked now, and from how he was positioned his heavy erection was pointed straight at me. If I had any blood to spare at the second it went right to my cheeks, my whole body burning from what I was seeing.

Kanda's grin was impossibly wide as he leaned over me once again, his lips coming to hover over my own, our arousal's colliding with sparks of pleasure that made my heart race.

"K-Kanda...?" I groaned in confusion.

He merely kissed me in reply, allowing more of his weight to push our hips together, the male starting a slow thrusting of more skin against skin then anything else.

His large swollen member ground against me, and I would have yelped from its weight if my own arousal hadn't rubbed right back, a moan escaping me instead as my heart raced.

I was so confused as to what Kanda was trying to do, feeling the slightest bit of awkwardness between his slow friction filled thrusts, but my heart still raced in my chest at the closeness of the situation. He was all over me, just like last night, and as one of his strong hands slid across my thigh I lost my breath once again.

He took us both in hand cradling our members together as he drove his hips above mine, the friction forcing my eyes into the back of my skull, his hand and cock like liquid lava against me he was so fired up.

With a hot groan Kanda's lips fell away from mine, and he gathered up enough air to barely whisper in a tone that could have only fit the devil.

"Allen, your hand..."

Some instinct inside me understood while the rest of me was too much a mess to fathom anything, and before any filter could adhere an awkward reaction I felt myself dropping a hand from Kanda's tangled locks, gripping gently the side currently uncovered by the man's slightly larger hand.

"Yeah... yes..." He panted against my skin, teeth grit and pace growing in speed.

The number of blinding lights in my vision seemed to multiply the closer I got to screaming out his name, a heat growing in me that had never been this intense before.

Somewhere in my mind I registered that this was what it was like to be close to someone, to feel their heated skin glide passionately against my own, to be wanted...

This was the lust people felt in love.

I didn't notice that my sight blurred even further, my mind so focused on the burning touches and the friction allowed by our leaking arousal's, I never felt the wet tears rolling down my cheeks or how sweetly he kissed them from one cheek... Instead my body pressed back, my grip tightening just barely as I worked towards meeting Kanda's strong needing momentum with my own clumsy thrusts.

In that moment everything was good, perfect, was like a dream... and at the same time was ending all too quickly. It wasn't long before my arms were feeling weak, and I was suddenly standing at the edge, too far gone to do more then gasp in my surprise as I saw the end.

I barely heard Kanda's low and raspy 'I love you' as I shook, violently releasing between us with a growl of the man's name in such a fervor that the sound itself tore at my throat.

I spilled between us, it leaking out from amidst our cupped hands, enveloping us in a new warmth. Still without my bearings, before my body could relax, Kanda harshly locked me into a hazed kiss. One that fed me his growls as he gave his last few thrusts, he too falling off his edge.

Panting for breath I sunk back into the bed, my head cradled by a pillow and my body like jelly against the sheets. Kanda's form hunched when he lifted his weight off of me, but he hung over me, his head resting against my own as we fought for the air between us. How he had the strength to hold himself up, my tired mind couldn't understand.

When I realized I could still feel our fluids chilling on my hand and on my... lower areas, my cheeks heated, my mind yelling about how lewd I must look like this.

A larger part of me didn't care, or rather, was too busy reveling in the fact that Kanda had just mauled me better then in anything I had ever fantasied.

"Stay."

Kanda panted the word possessively, the sound of his voice pulling my attention.

"Stay here with me."

My mind slowly churned over the small request as he careful lowered himself on me again, his arms sliding around me to encase my body in his warm embrace. I could feel the man's strong chin rest on my shoulder, his long hair a mess of tangles down the expanse of his back, and his labored breathing tickled my cooling flesh.

If I could I would stay like this forever, in the aftermath of so much happiness, with a mind as blank as a white flash of light.

"I wish I could Kanda, but we'll need to eat at some point."

I was joking with my point, never thinking that maybe this moment wasn't what he meant. He gave me a tight squeeze, one that I didn't understand the motivation behind, not until he whispered to me words that were so unlike him.

"Give me your love."

My heart gave a heavy thump in my chest, and the urge to see his face overcame me. I began to struggle against him, fighting gently to sit up, only pausing when he tightened his grip stubbornly.

"Kanda, look at me." I pushed.

I was able to wiggle to victory because of his hesitant surrender, raising my hands to cradle his handsome face, make him face me like I needed.

He was blank again, his expression hiding his emotions, yet his eyes -murky with unease- gave him away... Was he worried I'd run away like I had last night? Like I could possibly do such a thing after what we just did? After the feelings he had given me last night?

"You already have it." I whispered back to him in all honesty, watching for the change in his internal turmoil, waiting for him to accept that I was serious.

It took a moment, but slowly his eyes began to clear, and a small grin stretched his lips.

Suddenly he was gone, his form had rolled off of me before I could blink, and I could feel his strong arms lifting me from the warm sheets.

"K-Kanda?!" I yelped in surprise from his quick movements, my face heating as he threw me over one strong shoulder while still being careful of my bruises, "W-what are-"

"We'll need to eat at some point, right?" He interrupted me with a satisfied tone and a cocky attitude, throwing my joke right back at me, "But not before getting us cleaned up."

He ignored my embarrassed protests the whole way to the bathroom, my escape efforts half-hearted, allowing him to remove my boxers the rest of the way and turn on the shower without much trouble. Kanda only set me down after deeming the water warm enough, putting me directly beneath the hot spray before joining me in the small space. His chest pressed against my back, causing me to tense nervously, and when I felt a soapy hand on my back I nearly rocketed out of the bath.

"Woah, take it easy, damn Moyashi."

"I-I-I can wash myself Bakanda!"

He leaned impossibly closer so that I could see his face over my right shoulder, his soap lathered hands running down my sides, making me shiver out a gasp.

"I know." Was his simple reply before he pushed his lips against mine, melting part of my resolve over what was happening, my body relaxing back against his warmth ever so slightly.

With a gentle pull he broke the kiss. "I won't do anything you don't want Moyashi... I love you... I just want to be close to you."

I knew what he told me was true, but that last part, it was so unlike him to say it out loud... I never imagined he would be the one to say something so sweet like that, so caring. Then again, he was just full of surprises, wasn't he?

Grinning carefully to match his I nodded in agreement, closing my silver eyes as a silent way of requesting that he kiss me again, covering his hands with my own.

"I love you too, Yuu."

He was quick to get the message, locking our lips together once again in a kiss that grew with passion and care but not heat, my hands guiding his over my body to wash away the proof of that morning. Eventually, once he deemed me clean enough, Kanda let me wash him in return. I enjoyed every second of our shower, running my pale hands over him sensually, getting the honor to message his lotus shampoo into his long locks. If someone had told me that one day I'd be washing Yuu Kanda after a lusty morning I would have hit them for making fun of my crush, and then probably would have creamed my pants in my sleep that night thinking about it. He was extremely beautiful after all. Something I never thought would fit a mans description until the day I met the short tempered grump... it was one of the things I had thought the day I met Kanda, and it had stuck with me all these years. His handsomeness was truly haunting.

When we had finished we ignored the arousal's standing between us, Kanda throwing me a towel before drying himself off and leaving to find me something to wear. He came back fully dressed, his wet hair hanging darkly behind him, and handed me a t-shirt one or two sizes too big with a pair of jeans he found in his closet from his high school years. With a peck on my forehead he gave me his room to change in, the space still smelling of sweat and our release to my mortification, and told me he was going to start on breakfast.

"Wha-what about the sheets?"

"I'll wash them later." He said without a care, letting the door close behind him as he headed towards his kitchen.

I shook my head, giving my hair one last quick towel dry before sliding his shirt over my head.

I frowned at his jeans. Did he expect me to go commando? Or was it too early for me to borrow a pair of boxers?

The idea of just grabbing a pair myself made be blush a little, and I wondered momentarily what Kanda's reaction to me wearing his underwear would be.

I shook the thought from my head, maybe saving it for probably another day... maybe.

I found my pants from yesterday on the floor next to the bed, my mind registering that he must have changed me while I was asleep, and I made a note to ask him about that later. Picking up the clothing it was heavier then I had first expected it to be until I remembered that I had left my phone in my pocket after texting Cross.

Frowning I powered the device back on, wondering how many angry calls and degrading texts I had missed during the night, but to my surprise I found only one singular notification about a text.

I was shocked by what he had said in reply to my message.

A simple, 'Okay,' inside a tiny green bubble lit the screen, all by itself.

Nowhere was the usual a barrage of self-esteem eating texts, and checking my voicemail I was equally as shocked to find not one drunken message, not even a solitary missed call from him.

Just an 'Okay.'

I quickly replied to a few missed texts from Lavi as I turned over what this could mean in my head. If Cross had been mad he would have had no problem chewing me out through my phone regardless if it was on or off, so why...?

Was he at a new level of rage? Was he so drunk he didn't realize that was from me? Had his drinking finally driven him completely insane?

I was suddenly very terrified of what awaited me at that shitty little apartment.

Thank god Kanda wanted me to stay, had convinced me to stay... I started shaking just imagining what waited for me in that place.

Throwing on Kanda's pants I left my phone on his bedside table, closing the door behind me like it would shut away all my fearful thoughts of my uncle.

I still had the rest of the day to enjoy with my boyfriend, it was Sunday morning.

I would worry about it tomorrow.

* * *

***Slam dunks myself into the trash* My apologizes for this update, I meant to have it come out so much sooner but I had no time until now... I really need to get on top of this shit *sigh* My love to anyone who still reads anything I post :)**


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